tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80098716349815037722023-11-16T10:17:41.902-08:00The Idiot's NotepadTarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-58575333980085691332022-01-28T13:48:00.003-08:002022-01-28T13:49:14.898-08:00(B/X) Two Swords-y Classes<p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">I won’t make a secret of it, these classes are a bit silly.</span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-05d92d3b-7fff-6736-037c-6926b5781746"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s a little bit of Inigo Montoya, a little bit of Metal Gear Rising, and a little bit of Kill Six Billion Demons, all catalyzed by </span><a href="http://throneofsalt.blogspot.com/2021/10/100-facts-about-mother-stole-fire.html" style="text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; text-decoration-line: underline; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">point fifteen of a hundred-point list by Throne of Salt</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, and stuffed into a system that only kind of exists.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Originally, I was just making one class, but when I asked folks at the OSR Discord for ability ideas, I got enough interesting and varied stuff that it turned into two. Thanks to Archon’s Court, diregrizzlybear, Amaril, and mtb-za for their help, and credit to </span><a href="https://occultronics.blogspot.com/2021/12/she-holds-black-holy-sword-glog-sword.html" style="text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; text-decoration-line: underline; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Occultronic's GLOG Sword Saint</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and </span><a href="https://asenseofimmersion.wordpress.com/2021/04/04/the-swordcaster-glog-class/" style="text-decoration-line: none;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; text-decoration-line: underline; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ASenseofImmerison's GLOG Swordcaster</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> for being </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; text-decoration-line: line-through; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">victims of larceny</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> major influences on how this turned out.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have no idea if these classes are balanced in the slightest. I have never tested them, and I am not particularly good at game balance. They're also designed with <a href="http://udan-adan.blogspot.com/p/against-wicked-city.html" target="_blank">Against the Wicked City's</a> significantly edited version of B/X in mind, but it shouldn't be too difficult to convert them to ordinary B/X.<br /><br /></span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Sword-mastery is a field separate from normal combat. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Anyone can train to use a sword, but sword-mastery is magic.”</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Swordmaster</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You gain 1d6 HP per level.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You may use only simple weapons and swords. You may not use any armor heavier than a chain shirt (+4 AC), and you may not use any shields.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You gain a bonus to all attack rolls with swords or sword-like objects equal to your level, and a bonus to all other attack rolls equal to half your level, rounded down.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">While you are using them, all swords deal 1d10 damage. In addition, if you can convince your DM that a non-sword item is sufficiently sword-like, you may use it as a simple weapon dealing either 1d6 or 1d8 damage, at the DM’s discretion.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You treat your swords properly, and they are unwilling to break. If an effect would destroy or damage a sword that you are currently wielding or a sword that you have been keeping on your person for at least one day, roll a d20. On an eleven or higher, the sword resists and is not broken. The GM may impose modifiers on this roll due to exceptional circumstances - For instance, a bonus might be given to a tungsten sword to avoid melting, or a penalty to a wooden sword trying to resist the effects of acid.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Resisting breakage does not grant the sword immunity to the thing trying to break it - Even if a sword resists being snapped in half by a giant the first time, the giant can still try again. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If the sword would already be allowed a saving throw against breakage, it gains advantage.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You are</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">really good at cutting things. You can perform any feat a human swordsman might actually be able to do automatically, without requiring a roll. To perform outright superhuman feats, choose either Strength or Dexterity, whichever is more appropriate, and roll a d20. If you roll equal to or under the selected ability score, you succeed. The GM may impose modifiers for exceptional circumstances. If you fail, your sword may be damaged or broken, at GM discretion.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Speak with your GM to determine the specifics of this ability.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> In one game, ‘superhuman feats’ might look like classic martial arts movies, but another’s might be slicing through solid steel with a toy sword, or even cutting abstract concepts like “Time” or “Language”. It is extremely important to make sure everyone is on the same page.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You are </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">really</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> good at cutting things. When you cut, you may cut objects in line of sight up to (Level x 10) feet away from the blade of your sword, although you may not attempt superhuman feats at range.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Saves and Experience per Level as </span><a href="http://udan-adan.blogspot.com/2015/06/atwc-basic-classes-2-trickster.html" style="text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; text-decoration-line: underline; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Trickster</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, Thief, or any Thief-equivalent you’re using.</span></p><br /><br /><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Swordcaster</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You gain 1d4 HP per level.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You may use only simple weapons and swords. You may not use any armor, although you may use shields.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You gain a bonus to all attack rolls with swords equal to your level, and a bonus to all other attack rolls equal to half your level, rounded down.
</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Saves and Experience per Level as <a href="http://udan-adan.blogspot.com/2015/06/atwc-basic-classes-3-scholar.html" target="_blank">Scholar</a></span><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">, or Magic User, or any Magic User-equivalent you’re using.</span><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">By concentrating, you can levitate a number of swords around you equal to (Your Level + 2). Doing this requires your hands to be empty, unrestrained, and in good health. In colder climates, this may mean you’ll need to wear gloves to stop your hands getting numb - So remember the pack for the weather!</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For every sword that levitates around you in this way, you gain +1 to AC.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You may cause the swords levitating around you to attack as if they were ranged weapons, lashing out from their place at your side to impale enemies within 20 feet.. On a successful hit, you may cause the sword to embed in the target, dealing 1 damage at the start of that creature’s turns. Swords embedded in targets do not count towards your AC bonus.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You may use a turn to remove up to 3 embedded swords from targets, and return them to you. Alternatively, the embedded target may use its turn to pry a sword out of itself.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You know a number of Sword Tricks equal to your level. You may perform a number of Sword Tricks equal to your level before you exhaust yourself and must spend 4 hours resting your hands before being able to perform more. Pick them from the following list:</span></p><br /><ul style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-inline-start: 48px;"><li aria-level="1" dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; list-style-type: disc; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><p dir="ltr" role="presentation" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You cause a non-magical sword within your line of sight to explode into shards, destroying it and dealing (damage of the sword) to all creatures within five feet. This may be used upon magic swords at GM discretion, but they are generally at least allowed a saving throw.</span></p></li><li aria-level="1" dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; list-style-type: disc; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><p dir="ltr" role="presentation" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You may swallow whole as many swords as you are capable of levitating, and draw them from inside yourself in an instant. Both swallowing and regurgitating count as part of the same Trick.</span></p></li><li aria-level="1" dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; list-style-type: disc; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><p dir="ltr" role="presentation" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You may cause yourself to be impaled by however many of your own swords as are available. The injuries you take from this are also inflicted upon one other being of your choice that you can see. Also, you will probably die.</span></p></li><li aria-level="1" dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; list-style-type: disc; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><p dir="ltr" role="presentation" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You may embed one of your swords into the body of a recently killed humanoid, causing it to reanimate as an undead minion under your control. This lasts as long as the body and the sword are in constant contact. You do not gain bonus AC from swords used to reanimate corpses. The reanimated beings do not decay naturally, and look no more unnerving than a normal reanimated corpse. You </span><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">might</span><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">be able to pass them off as foreign bodyguards, if you can hide the battle wounds.</span><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Individuals who refused to use swords in life cannot be targets of this ability.</span></p></li><li aria-level="1" dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; list-style-type: disc; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><p dir="ltr" role="presentation" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You may cause up to five non-magical swords to leap from their current positions and towards a nearby unoccupied site of your choice. If the swords are being actively carried, the wielders get a Reflex save to catch their own swords.</span></p></li><li aria-level="1" dir="ltr" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; list-style-type: disc; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><p dir="ltr" role="presentation" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m going to be totally honest - I need to add more Sword Tricks, but at this point, I’m just out of ideas. I’ll add more to this list if I think of them, but I've just about worn myself out for the moment. </span></p></li></ul></span>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-35413513640943012332021-08-02T11:37:00.002-07:002021-08-02T11:39:25.757-07:00I am the Boogley Boogley Boo Monster<p>FIVE MORE KITTEN EATING MONSTERS<br /><br />FUCK YOU <a href="https://idiotsnote.blogspot.com/2021/01/i-got-high-and-ate-kitten.html" target="_blank">THIS </a>IS A SERIES NOW</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>1. The Grebble</p><p>Grebbles are just... The fucking worst. They're like horrid, dirty old Goblins with terrible beards, except they're smaller and don't have any of the things that make people like Goblins. Grebbles like to hurt people. Not in a sexy sadistic way, but in a petty, spiteful way. They'll eat a kitten not because they're hungry or they like the way it tastes, but because they know it'll make people sad. If they could, they would eat your kitten while you watched. The only reason they don't is because they are extremely small and weak and if you punched them their sad, frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under your epic huge meat fist and they will disintegrate.</p><p><br /></p><p>2. Carnivorous Tree</p><p>Tree that eats people. They look like normal trees, if a bit older and more gnarled than they should be. Lots of knotholes, perfect to hide from predators or build a nest in.<br />Then you get in the knothole and it slams shut and you starve to death and then the tree eats your corpse because it was a carnivorous tree, you FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL<br />The lesson here is never to trust trees.</p><p><br /></p><p>3. Snuffler</p><p>Snufflers look like giant ant-eaters with even larger mouths. They meander along and suck up any small animals that get near with their massive, toothsome maws. They would definitely eat a kitten.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzkE_Kn20tpVQDYIyoZS5S_Da_CqRY4HG5-oWM_kdup53NNTtI5Dua4YVysLly1GkypSkVeXF7NnG0iO_NBWwIsLeuU0uZfxIMr7sfDEpgV7Tv8e3dY4-Qtb1NICoP-An8nO3-mw87rhy2//" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="740" data-original-width="1600" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzkE_Kn20tpVQDYIyoZS5S_Da_CqRY4HG5-oWM_kdup53NNTtI5Dua4YVysLly1GkypSkVeXF7NnG0iO_NBWwIsLeuU0uZfxIMr7sfDEpgV7Tv8e3dY4-Qtb1NICoP-An8nO3-mw87rhy2//" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p>4. Cuckoo-Kitt</p><p>Cuckoo-Kitts are the worst. They're a close relative of cats with limited shapeshifting abilities. Their favorite thing to do is to find domestic cats prowling out in the wild, eat them, absorb their shape, and then return home to the owners to be pampered. <br />Not actually that much different from regular cats otherwise.</p><p><br /></p><p>5. Sabre-Shrew</p><p>The Sabre-Shrew is one of the smallest animals ever to be observed practicing advanced tool use. Appearing much like an upright, long-armed shrew, these little bastards take all sorts of sharp objects from their environments and fashion them into makeshift sabers, which are then used both in mating displays and defense against predators. Due the size of the Sabre-Shrew, kittens are generally not targets - But under the right circumstances, these bastards will kill a kitten and remove its claws to make sabers.<br />Sabre-Shrews have also inspired the creatively named Sabre-Shrew Style of sword fighting, whose practitioners fashion their own blades out of whatever materials can be found on short notice and then strive to emulate the ferocity and chivalry of the Sabre-Shrew. Always show honor to opponents of your own size, and always cheat like hell when fighting anything bigger than you. The style has seen the most popularity among Halflings.<br />All practitioners of Sabre-Shrew Style I was able to contact have denied the consumption of kittens, but isn't that exactly what a kitten-eater would do?</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9tlYoimEK6YCu4W1I8SjnZHkSissHIHTR8rcBp9x979N6dDz1R9pT4cp4A8ebiOO1nSA_0o1f9r-e2m_6egIatjetdldLGxTgoJ92TEEFIGacAW6tlLHS-Yq2olB8rjpghMIv8_fguLrj//" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1386" data-original-width="2048" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9tlYoimEK6YCu4W1I8SjnZHkSissHIHTR8rcBp9x979N6dDz1R9pT4cp4A8ebiOO1nSA_0o1f9r-e2m_6egIatjetdldLGxTgoJ92TEEFIGacAW6tlLHS-Yq2olB8rjpghMIv8_fguLrj//" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-2838989998776709162021-08-01T18:50:00.004-07:002021-08-01T18:50:22.721-07:00THERE'S A GOOD MAP<p> THIS ONE ACTUALLY WORKS! I MADE IT WITH THE HELP OF A FRIEND! I HAVE NO IDEA IF I SHOULD INCLUDE THEIR NAME HERE OR NOT BUT THEY WERE FUCKING INVALUABLE!</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgKAwrd1NlV6PVDCMP-O8mkYTKAnv6-9Qa-UCFvbSw0W9qUzqUAWoJa0c1o_evxfw-q1p_yRzpeSWCl5qd_qnq56HD3vcrWq5lUwYvWx2HfJvihy8uzlWcgFyi7bMf3tgQtejm7TyV-hHa/s2048/Egharl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="487" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgKAwrd1NlV6PVDCMP-O8mkYTKAnv6-9Qa-UCFvbSw0W9qUzqUAWoJa0c1o_evxfw-q1p_yRzpeSWCl5qd_qnq56HD3vcrWq5lUwYvWx2HfJvihy8uzlWcgFyi7bMf3tgQtejm7TyV-hHa/w649-h487/Egharl.jpg" width="649" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-18507745270980604132021-07-17T19:16:00.005-07:002021-07-17T19:16:49.141-07:00I WILL NEVER PAY TAXES AS LONG AS I LIVE<p>THIS ENTIRE POST IS INSPIRED BY THE FACT THAT I THINK FFIV'S ULTIMA WEAPON IS REALLY FUCKING COOL AND WANTED AN EXCUSE TO USE ITS IMAGE AND IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT I WILL PUT A BEAR IN YOUR HOUSE</p><p>Also for a world that's supposed to have some focus on fallen civilizations and struggles of the past there's a shockingly low number of ancient superweapons scattered around and I need to add more</p><p><br /></p><p>Long before the present day, there existed a civilization in and around the area known today as the Deadlands. This post isn't about them, because they're an important part of the campaign I am currently running and I know that my players are probably this blog's most consistent readers. For this article, all you need to know is that their civilization was attacked by the Dust-Eater, an incredibly powerful abomination of unknown origin. The ensuing conflict more or less wiped (Let's rip off archeologists and name it after where it was based) the Deadlands Civilization off the face of the planet. The consequences of this event are very much still echoing through history, but again, I can't talk about them right now.</p><p><br /></p><p>The Deadlands Civilization was not the only one to exist at the time. Our particular story will focus on the Empire of An<span style="background-color: white;">gróvan. </span>An<span style="background-color: white;">gróvan, like most of the world, responded to this incident with absolute panic. No one knew exactly what had happened, but one moment there was a thriving (if rather isolationist) culture, and the next moment there wasn't. Everyone had reasonably assumed that they didn't have to worry about anything dropping out of the sky and destroying an entire people in less than a month, but that didn't stop it from happening. How do you prepare for something like that? Did it happen instantly, or where there warning signs that no one knew how to look for? Could it happen again? Could it happen to <i>us?</i> <br />Suddenly, providing contingency plan for giant monster attack was an essential function of government.<br /></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;">Most nations responded by searching the ruins for anything that might have warned of the attack, developing evacuation plans for populated areas, and at most planning efforts to slow the creature down. Alliances formed over mutual promises of refuge in case of a disaster, international organizations plotted ways to fight back - I suppose it would have been a bit like the Cold War, but if nuclear weapons were actually aliens. The point is, people responded.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;">While the rest of the world signed</span> treaties, held studies, and made sure they had access to emergency transport, the rulers of An<span style="background-color: white;">gróvan </span><span style="background-color: white;">took a different approach. In order to fight a unknown and incredibly powerful being, they chose to <i>build </i>an incredibly powerful being. </span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;">There was an understanding from the start that this thing was going to cause collateral damage. They weren't building a conventional weapon, they were building something that would be capable of stopping something conventional tactics wouldn't have a chance in hell to stop. No matter how many civilian casualties there are, it would be better than losing their entire civilization. Nothing was off-limits. No plans would be shot down over questions of morality. If this thing was ever used, the only piece of the equation left would be survival.</span></p><p><br /></p><p>Time passed. Kingdoms rose and fell. People who hadn't even been born had time to grow old and die. No new monsters dropped out of the sky, though widespread panic had been the end of more than one nation. Gradually, people stopped worrying about another catastrophe. People who hadn't been alive to see the incident chocked it up to a miscommunication or exaggeration of some sort. The world stopped caring about the Dust-Eater.<br />But An<span style="background-color: white;">gróvan never forgot. It continued, reduced to a shadow of its former self thanks to the sheer cost of the weapons project. But the weapon still wasn't finished, and so work continued.</span></p><p>Eventually, all that was left of the great An<span style="background-color: white;">gróvanian Empire was the city from which it first emerged, and yet production still continued. Foreign policy stopped mattering, merchants gave up on coming to a city that didn't want to buy or sell anything of significance, and the outside world forgot that </span>An<span style="background-color: white;">gróvan even existed. </span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;">The Weapon, however, was finished. No one was really sure <i>why</i> they had created it. Any project council had long since been replaced with a local religion. The Weapon became a center of worship and veneration, but no one ever dared to try and activate it.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;">Outside the city, the world kept turning. Eventually, surveyors arrived and discovered what looked like, to them, an ancient city of cultists dedicated to the worship of a massive idol. There was an invasion, and the few remaining citizenry of </span>An<span style="background-color: white;">gróvan were killed to a man.</span></p><p><br /></p><p>"What the fuck is that", said the conquering empire. "Why were people worshipping it? Why can't we figure out how to damage it? Where the fuck does it come from?"<br />A small team was formed to study the thing, though it was all kept as secret as possible. No one knew what this thing might be able to do, but you don't play around with mysterious idols from ancient cities. That would be stupid.</p><p>Eventually someone managed to turn it on, of course. The activation lasted a few minutes at most, but there wasn't much city left by the end of it.<br /></p><p>In what has been called "The only good choice they ever made", the conquering government decided that this thing was some kind of horrible eldritch demon-god. They couldn't destroy it, so they did the next best thing, and locked it away. At first it was placed in joint storage with other magical items, but everyone knew it wasn't a permanent solution. Amidst the ruins of An<span style="background-color: white;">gróvan, a vault was constructed, and the Weapon was sealed inside. The existence of this vault became a closely guarded secret, but the kings of the nation quickly decided that it was their holy duty to seal away the horrible eldritch demon-god so that it might never again see the light of day. Every king dug further down into the earth, improved defenses, and made damn sure that the guardians and defenses of that site would last long after their line had ended. Many chose to be buried down there, and at least one turned himself into a lich and lay down for a thousand-year nap. </span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;">Memory faded with time, as it is prone to do, and the nation of conquerors-turned-guardians forgot its ancient traditions. The royal line was ended, and the existence of the vault was eventually forgotten.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;">But the Vault still stands strong, and the ageless guardians within are still bound to their duty. And at the center of it all, the Ultima Weapon still stands.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhflgIzAdwbOGc5s5vdprqTLsKJ9mgJ-yi_Ln8tZIHEi2U_w4bVtpbj4hcl0_W02jrd5qps3por9JWwoMjwzMKQ1Yand2XetP1cy68EldU4Vls3qhDNk5MiQtcLfWqzl6LOIp-ZKv7skOr9//" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="420" data-original-width="420" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhflgIzAdwbOGc5s5vdprqTLsKJ9mgJ-yi_Ln8tZIHEi2U_w4bVtpbj4hcl0_W02jrd5qps3por9JWwoMjwzMKQ1Yand2XetP1cy68EldU4Vls3qhDNk5MiQtcLfWqzl6LOIp-ZKv7skOr9//" title="Yes, this was all a Final Fantasy XIV reference" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheiDNRBadZ_vYovN4xdpEmLk6ry6ZB-mt28AI2SW6KwPukRJopw9CGIXje9js3IhkaCB6Chyphenhyphen9YBOII8fZrwWz5JsCpjrFdEVpZNoprQY1qj3KtAAb1QX3QFQma1DUCT1Omba-UaMq4_rxB//" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="562" data-original-width="1000" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheiDNRBadZ_vYovN4xdpEmLk6ry6ZB-mt28AI2SW6KwPukRJopw9CGIXje9js3IhkaCB6Chyphenhyphen9YBOII8fZrwWz5JsCpjrFdEVpZNoprQY1qj3KtAAb1QX3QFQma1DUCT1Omba-UaMq4_rxB/w320-h180/ultima2.jpg" title="What the fuck are you going to do, stop me?" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUlTHbzR-WQEMm0ic_CSYIJHdu_9tpymGR51Z8WoKndEPCsb2t2rjC4YhAYoF1dZaVJPNEBRkjvUczvmDH4yJP4dabhrEO7HQ4qgN7mecWMvphU62BYL4j6ZnoTmGkmwhVq_j-6U6PfmJI//" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="360" data-original-width="640" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUlTHbzR-WQEMm0ic_CSYIJHdu_9tpymGR51Z8WoKndEPCsb2t2rjC4YhAYoF1dZaVJPNEBRkjvUczvmDH4yJP4dabhrEO7HQ4qgN7mecWMvphU62BYL4j6ZnoTmGkmwhVq_j-6U6PfmJI/w320-h180/image.png" title="Fuck you. No one can stop me." width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><br /><p></p><p></p>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-28910734139162404702021-07-16T18:43:00.005-07:002021-07-17T14:12:34.354-07:00Go-Go-Go-ZOOM<p>Inspired to the point of borderline plagiarism by a <a href="https://falsemachine.blogspot.com/2020/03/13-go-go-go-god-vroom.html" target="_blank">random False Machine image ping-pong response</a></p><p><br /></p><p>Go-Go-Go-ZOOM is a deity of progress, optimism, and an idealized future. It is also notable for the fact it does not exist.</p><p>Go-Go-Go-ZOOM has projected its glorious voice and mission back in time so that the people of Egharl may take heed and build a future even more brilliant and glorious than the one Go-Go-Go-ZOOM resides within already. For Go-Go-Go-ZOOM to exist, it must be created, and so its worshippers must strive to create it, for this is the will of Go-Go-Go-ZOOM. The form of Go-Go-Go-ZOOM must be futuristic. It must be new. It must be interesting. Go-Go-Go-ZOOM cannot abide mundanity. Progress is the is everything. </p><p>The faithful of Go-Go-Go-ZOOM hate the world as it is not for any coherent ideological reason, but because they understand that the current flawed system must be overthrown by the superior system of the Future in order for them to ascend closer to the infinite glory of Go-Go-Go-ZOOM.</p><p>Progress towards what? It doesn't matter. Progress towards the end of the world? Progress towards the Singularity? Progress towards the ascension of squirrels as the dominant form of life? Progress. Progress? Progress! Progress! PROGRESS!</p><p>Progress can conflict with itself. Go-Go-Go-ZOOM does not discriminate between progress towards the extermination of gorillas and progress towards the total population of gorillas entering the multi-trillions. Go-Go-Go-ZOOM loves it all. </p><p>Every body that has ever been constructed for Go-Go-Go-ZOOM has been imperfect. This is by design. Go-Go-Go-ZOOM will always exist at some point in the future, because the second Go-Go-Go-ZOOM is given corporeal form it goes from being an ideal into being a physical thing, and that would be terrible. Go-Go-Go-ZOOM can exist in a dream, an aspiration, a set of blueprints, but the second you start building it? Nothing that exists in the present can be from the future. Go-Go-Go-ZOOM is always from the future.</p><p><br /></p><p>And yes, the name is case sensitive.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0j6uAzjpovfwXaetbZat_ku56bOTV5xkyjUpjGcrH6fjRo-NclnBlXxaq23ZNxVeLT2DDzIKqCzbJBQY_-jfrfgmuQIeD0iFWm9bo5FoZq_oG45jWJ2AblK84igW7WA1kNb9HxlCjqwWJ//" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="398" data-original-width="238" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0j6uAzjpovfwXaetbZat_ku56bOTV5xkyjUpjGcrH6fjRo-NclnBlXxaq23ZNxVeLT2DDzIKqCzbJBQY_-jfrfgmuQIeD0iFWm9bo5FoZq_oG45jWJ2AblK84igW7WA1kNb9HxlCjqwWJ//" title="One possible incarnation of Go-Go-Go-ZOOM" width="144" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZiicSzbsEB9o1RruRx5Pt6s5t93V-g9zP6-gp8LDK3w1ljxiZBaYvJUh0Cb9UtYlEZzYVEu1XXDD2oiRFTeXWsR8iJ8gplQReetmTmO4qgU2qZ5qIomeItjxVHoeBHgtrcs_mjUZQ_w2E//" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="800" data-original-width="691" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZiicSzbsEB9o1RruRx5Pt6s5t93V-g9zP6-gp8LDK3w1ljxiZBaYvJUh0Cb9UtYlEZzYVEu1XXDD2oiRFTeXWsR8iJ8gplQReetmTmO4qgU2qZ5qIomeItjxVHoeBHgtrcs_mjUZQ_w2E//" title="Another possible incarnation" width="207" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM_pXaP-RdsBsxUHurpZw_v_WP5k82LDe2UJFvOj8BbvNbHG7056N7mT5De4qd5gOlYij9h2NOiURs-71xMSajN4Nr95-UfW7CaqWGG1FsKQ06wXJJf6hZWmIOQTPFa6LJDfch4WYQc1ak//" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="1400" data-original-width="971" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM_pXaP-RdsBsxUHurpZw_v_WP5k82LDe2UJFvOj8BbvNbHG7056N7mT5De4qd5gOlYij9h2NOiURs-71xMSajN4Nr95-UfW7CaqWGG1FsKQ06wXJJf6hZWmIOQTPFa6LJDfch4WYQc1ak//" title="Not really sure what this is but it isn't not Go-Go-Go-ZOOM" width="166" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-30955869033850397132021-05-12T13:29:00.002-07:002021-05-12T13:31:57.737-07:00I Steal Pathfinder's Asura Ranas<p>We're talking about Fiends. They tend to lead to some dark shit. CW for mentions of self-mutilation and gore. It should be pretty obvious when they come up.</p><p><br /></p><p>Pathfinder! </p><p>D&D's sister series. Where all the good writers went after 3.5 was over. That game system I know but have never played. Darker and Edgier D&D. That setting that's really cool because the Great Old Ones are more active participants in the world. Fiends 2: Electric Boogaloo.</p><p>Pathfinder's "<i>Book of the Damned</i> is great. Hell, it manages to rival Planescape's "Faces of Evil". Partly this is because I love Kitchen Sink Cosmologies, and I love curveballs, and I love new extraplanar factions to fuck about with, and the <i>Book</i> has all of those. Of particular interest to me, the <i>Book</i> goes out of its way to list a bunch of beings just below proper Fiendish Divinities in power level, and as far as I know, virtually none of them have received the slightest attention. </p><p>This leaves the perfect opportunity for me, a Rascal, Rogue, and Rapscallion, to swoop in and talk aimlessly about them while also kind of giving my thoughts on the Fiendish Races themselves at the same time.</p><p>Iunno I wanted to talk about these guys because I think they're Cool and New, and I'm going in alphabetical order, so we start with the Asura Ranas.</p><p>For those unfamiliar with Pathfinder cosmology: Asuras are Lawful Evil Fiends created from the mistakes of the gods. Deity gives its pet serpents sapience and then they sneak off and eat all the high priests? That's an Asura. Deity throws a ball of bandits with such force that it hits a planet and causes a mass extinction? That's an Asura.<br />Cool idea. We immediately run into a problem with applying them to Egharl, because <i>Egharl doesn't have gods. </i>That being said, Asuras in general are way too cool for me to just leave out. I'll talk about that problem more when I do a master-post on Fiends sometime. On to the Asura Ranas!</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Andak the Disembered<br /></b></p><p>This is exactly what you'd expect from a guy named "The Dismembered". He's a guy whose "limbs have been hewn into multiple pieces and reattached awkwardly and randomly". In a bit of a strange twist, they're associated with axes (implying dismemberment on a battlefield), torture, and self-mutilation. Makes sense, but it's a bit weird that his priests focus entirely on bloody self-augmentation, with no mention made of cutting off other people's limbs. I'd probably play him as a patron of corrupted self-improvement, kind of like The Meat from TMA. Determination to be strong, even if that means contorting your body into an unrecognizably hideous form. Overall: Pretty cool.</p><p><b>Bohga the Treasurer</b></p><p>Bohga! Second Rana in, and we may already have hit my favorite. Bohga is a creature of corrupted asceticism, who attained perfection after meditating over a horde of stolen goods for millennia. That premise alone stuck in my mind more than basically anything else in the <i>Book. </i>The image of an evil ascetic meditating over the horde of gold she's stolen but will never use? Instant classic. </p><p><b>Chugarra the Guru of Butchers</b></p><p>We literally just had a guy named "The Dismembered" two entries ago. Chugarra is just an evil butcher. He butchers people. I will admit that the image of a massive, skinless butcher is fun, but overall? Pass. </p><p><b>Chupurvagasti, Lady of Poison Mist</b></p><p>The name tells you everything you need to know. I don't understand what poison mist has to do with a deity's mistake. This is a portfolio that's been covered before. I'd prefer to use some sort of Prince Elemental Smog instead of this woman. Nothing here is uniquely Asura, and nothing here is overtly interesting enough for me to ignore that. Pass.</p><p><b>Gavidya the Numberless</b></p><p>The <i>Book</i> describes him as a "Cloaked figure who has no fewer than six faces at all time, each forming from folds on his scalp before gravitating towards the center of his head and competing to be eaten by his smiling mouth.", and that is a bloody amazing description. He's a patron of false prophets who delights in causing inter-religious strife, which is easy for me to adapt for use in Egharl. There's very little for me not to love about this guy.</p><p><b>Hydim of the Eternal Fast</b></p><p>An Asura Rana created by a god who accidentally condemned a nation to famine, I would immediately dismiss this guy if it wasn't for his name. Harbingers of Famine aren't hard to come by - Pathfinder alone features a bloody Horseman of it. That being said, the title is unique enough to set him apart from the crowd and make me think there's a place for him as a sort of Tantalus-like figure, constantly hunger but physically unable to break fast. Also, his obedience requires you to "Eat 13 pages from a sacred text", and anything that makes players eat paper is okay in my book. Pretty cool dude.</p><p><b>Ioramvol with the Mouth Full of Boulders</b></p><p>This poor guy. I don't even know how he became an Asura Rana - The <i>Book</i> just says he "Suffered countless deaths via falls, premature burial, and rockslides". I have no idea how being crushed by falling rocks a lot leads to achieving Enlightenment, but to each their own. This guy gets a pass in my book because of his name alone, without even having to take into account how cool a "tattoed colossus pierced with shards of rock" who spits boulders out of his mouth would be to use in an encounter. Also, he has the Undead and Murder subdomains, and that's honestly the premise for an adventure in and of itself. Competes with Bogha for my #1 spot.</p><p><b>Maeha, the Father of False Words</b></p><p>I'm torn on this guy. On one hand, he kind of treads of Gavidya's toes, being another Rana whose worshippers pretend to be priests of a different religion. On the other hand, his Areas of Concern include Propaganda and Isolation, which speaks to a totally different sort of Rana - A false shepherd of the lost, presenting a kind demeanor but working to lead vulnerable people even deeper into isolation. I like that angle. It's dark, and it'd be hard to pull off in a game, but I think it's a very solid concept. Reminds me of The Lonely from TMA. This guy is pretty cool.</p><p><b>Onamahli, the Twice Pure</b></p><p>I have no idea what to do with Onamahli. She's just got too much stuff going on. On one hand, she has an obvious connection to beauty and self-image, being created after a celestial being tore itself in half in an attempt to become beautiful. It's topic you'd have to be careful around, but one that could produce some really emotionally intense adventures. On another hand, she's said to be "Contemplating the paradox of competing divine truths". That seems a bit silly. Of course, different gods believe different things! I don't spend my day contemplating the paradox of multiple rats wanting the same piece of cheese. Then there's the fact that one of her areas of concern is "Double-Standards". That deserves a whole Rana to itself, not just a single line in an already overstuffed one. Finally, there's the whole thing about two minds, one body. That bit is just kind of weird, and if used poorly, it'll just end up vilifying plural people. I don't like her.</p><p><b>Rahu, the Sun Eater</b></p><p>Rahu is a giant, flying, disembodied snake head that is said to cause eclipses by eating the Sun and Moon. He also has a thing for executions, and both are seen as manifestations of gluttony for light and life. Quite frankly, you had me at "Giant, flying, disembodied snake head".</p><p><b>Rytara, Serpent of the Eastern Eye</b></p><p>Rytara is a four-headed snake with three eyes on each face, and she uses her third eye to see your worst fear so she can cause you to reliv- Wait a second, this is just a goddamn Sakhil! A Sakhil snuck into the Asura section! 0/10!</p><p><b>Taraksun, Awakener of Wrath</b></p><p>If Taraksun was just a being associated with wrath, I'd pass him off as generic and be done with it. That being said, Taraksun is associated with specifically the wrath of impotent people - Captives, slaves, people like this. It's an interesting situation. Liberation is a pretty consistently good thing, but that doesn't mean Taraksun is without a niche. I could see him as someone who tempts people into rage first for a beneficial cause, to set themselves free and strike back at the people who hurt them, but then continue to stoke the fires of that rage long after they're necessary. Or he could be an agent of the cycle of revenge, always making sure one member of the bloodline escapes in order to extend the vendetta down another generation. All in all? Pretty cool guy.</p><p><b>Zurapadyn, the Best Who Waits in Smoke</b></p><p>Zurapdyn is said to "Revel in any act of fiery purification performed for misguided
reasons.", which more or less makes him the patron of witch burnings. That's great. That's a great niche I don't think anyone has tapped before, and also fire is cool. I'll need to use him sometime.</p>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-90496663205545311102021-04-25T19:22:00.001-07:002021-04-25T19:22:12.544-07:00Midnight Madness<p>About a month ago, I started spitballing random ideas on Discord. It was around 12, but the ideas were all inexplicably good, so I'm throwing them all out here, with a bit more development than they had when I first made them.</p><p><br /></p><p>None of the races have stats yet, and won't gets stats until someone wants to play one. I'm hoping to rework 5e's weird race system into something that has less horrible implications and more class variety. </p><p>None of the non-races have stats either. They will probably all end up being bears.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhguTzZcZV8QSjWEUOOmZ1XyDSbJWLEfldeAJsyA6Dy6lPm0paI9P7BfwtZLeVuofF2a4iBgQk66df2-KUZdmqRxnk7BYv_PFkL9djILb8rVtIEx518OV2YEHCInj5ZopcXGyPzr6XAfILW//" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="289" data-original-width="170" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhguTzZcZV8QSjWEUOOmZ1XyDSbJWLEfldeAJsyA6Dy6lPm0paI9P7BfwtZLeVuofF2a4iBgQk66df2-KUZdmqRxnk7BYv_PFkL9djILb8rVtIEx518OV2YEHCInj5ZopcXGyPzr6XAfILW//" width="141" /></a></div><br /><h3 style="text-align: center;">SWINEFOLK</h3><div>Swinefolks are humanoid constructs made out of the flesh of pigs. They vary in sapience between unusually stupid monkeys and fully sapient individuals. They are a playable race. In the New World, aka the As-Of-Yet-Unnamed-Eastern-Continent, they've formed full settlements. Making one of these would might be a good College Thesis for Flesh Wizard College. Flesh Wizard College doesn't exist, but that's the comparison I'm going to make.</div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn-0GiUFHuY6tk2xWt4deWRKHFHvXEl2BbhtazpA9YU_3JSaPzGIqmwSznXNjTsMlSOn5TkRlU1TunVvu4WMC2TDeTcTGG8DP1dVyOMXPf7Lu4TH4ydSIClkB3wjwViAnBP3FfOc3h9_vO//" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="128" data-original-width="128" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn-0GiUFHuY6tk2xWt4deWRKHFHvXEl2BbhtazpA9YU_3JSaPzGIqmwSznXNjTsMlSOn5TkRlU1TunVvu4WMC2TDeTcTGG8DP1dVyOMXPf7Lu4TH4ydSIClkB3wjwViAnBP3FfOc3h9_vO//" width="240" /></a></div><br /><h3>TROGLODYES</h3><div style="text-align: left;">Maybe playable? I don't know. I love them and this specific variety of troglodyte are some of the very first canon inhabitants of my underworld. </div><div style="text-align: left;">Underworld meaning caves, not the afterlife. I would probably have a second heart attack if I learned that these things were angels.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpZXcDxbUCyFbT0ev3hL7UXN9UwUcOoLDxB47jzavGdm-jIdzayI7zUMW_qILdS45I4AurlkK9OYKfVvfb9JELweFYK_z5pVvDs-nEfqKw8HMhb82OyXp10kmqChrongdx7ziEbTrXxLC0//" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpZXcDxbUCyFbT0ev3hL7UXN9UwUcOoLDxB47jzavGdm-jIdzayI7zUMW_qILdS45I4AurlkK9OYKfVvfb9JELweFYK_z5pVvDs-nEfqKw8HMhb82OyXp10kmqChrongdx7ziEbTrXxLC0//" width="320" /></a></div><h3 style="clear: both; text-align: center;">BRACKEN</h3><div>Humanoid patches of ivy which spontaneously manifest around civilization. Often quite urban. If Egharl was a different sort of world, I'd say that they're born in the place where civilization and the natural world meet, but those are metaphysical ideas, and we don't do metaphysics here.</div><div>They can probably be any plant, ivy just came to mind first.</div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoRTt5f5Sa0AcanunuvR_6S-irVYRZLKrJNO9_bvArmYrtYAGiMYh7XO4GojVQ6KYCaGl1oKDsbqLeqAjJtqFDQcJVM77XOKtt3MhdGjiDZvWYix4PN7b3K6yqFBu7KkyhKSP6bCBHawfH//" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="639" data-original-width="341" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoRTt5f5Sa0AcanunuvR_6S-irVYRZLKrJNO9_bvArmYrtYAGiMYh7XO4GojVQ6KYCaGl1oKDsbqLeqAjJtqFDQcJVM77XOKtt3MhdGjiDZvWYix4PN7b3K6yqFBu7KkyhKSP6bCBHawfH//" width="128" /></a></div><h3 style="clear: both; text-align: center;">WARFORGED</h3><div>I struggled to fit Warforged into the world for a while, but they've finally got a place! </div><div>Warforged are born when a blacksmith dies with their work unfinished. They spontaneously assemble themselves from strewn about materials, and begin their lives. </div><div>They aren't a reincarnation of the blacksmith, they're independent beings in their own right.</div><div>I also guess they don't have anything to do with war now, so they should probably just be called "Forged".</div><br /></div><div><br /></div><br />Those are the fancy ones. The rest will be unadulterated, direct-from-source madness.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">TEETH MONSTERS</h3><div style="text-align: left;">They have no teeth, but they eat teeth. Just fucking swallow them down whole. Either they break the teeth down for the magical energy contained within, or they use the teeth as bladder stones. I don't fucking know which.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">WEIRD WAYS PEOPLE ARE BORN</h3><div style="text-align: left;">Shifters are just children born under a full moon.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Bullywugs are Grung come into existence when a tribe of existing Bullywug or Grung gather up a bunch of frogs into a pit and then educate them. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Sometimes, turtles lay one really big egg instead of a clutch. These really big eggs hatch into Tortles.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">THESE ONES GO TOGETHER</h3><div style="text-align: left;">A strange mutation found in the heart of cities - Children are born with gleaming silver eyes, and silver ichor in place of blood - They are the Yine.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Those who are badly burnt while pregnant may give birth to the hot-blooded Adrunt, whose skin is black as soot.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">They say that if you stay too long in the mines, your children will have stone-grey skin and dine on rocks - These people are known as the Baniver.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">In the wilderness, children born under the full moon sometimes show unusual, animalistic traits. In academic circles, they are called Biinae. Most people know them by their colloquial title: Shifters.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">OTHER ASSORTED BULLSHIT</h3><div style="text-align: left;">Worm People, who live underground. They're somewhat agoraphobic.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The Pale Ones, a race of cyclopean beings who live underground.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">When you carve a Treant into little pieces, you can make people out of it. These people are sapient, and they're called Treelings.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">All Dragonborn are born colorless, and dye themselves in a show of loyalty, and to display clan affiliation.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">One of the primary elemental heresies is the idea that Gold is the Fifth Element.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">NEWT MEN. MEN WHO ARE NEWTS. I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY COME FROM BUT HERE THEY ARE.</h3><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div></div></div><p></p>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-55990062350378380452021-03-23T11:04:00.002-07:002021-03-23T11:04:55.884-07:00The Before-Things<p> Before we begin, it is important to note that the Before-Things do not exist. They aren't imaginary, because something imagined is something that can be conceived of, can be described to others, can even be given a physical form, if you're a decent artist. Before-Things aren't like that. They are real, in the sense that they can physically alter the world around them, but regardless of that fact, they do not exist.</p><p><br /></p><p>Maybe it'll make more sense if I explain exactly what Before-Things are.</p><p><br /></p><p>Before-Things are the remnants of everything that has ever been retroactively removed from reality. Obviously, no one knows what the things which have been removed are, because if anyone knew what had been removed, than it clearly hasn't been properly removed. More than likely, even the beings which caused the removal aren't even aware that they did it. All that they'd remember is performing a ritual in order to destroy something that already does not, never has, and cannot possibly ever exist. This is, for obvious reasons, impossible. </p><p><br /></p><p>So, then, what are Before-Things? If a concept really is so utterly erased, how is it possible that remnants are left behind?</p><p>It's probably best if I explain with an example. Imagine for a moment that the color orange is retroactively annihilated. This doesn't mean that everything orange disappears, or that people start seeing different colors where orange once was, or that everyone stops considering orange to be a color distinct from red, it's just that orange, as a physical thing and as an idea, just <b>stops</b>. It stops ever having existed in the first place. It stops having ever not existed, because the non-existence of something necessarily implies that opposite is possible as well. Orange stops being conceivable. Not individuals, not by a cultural zeitgeist, not by the zapping of neurons, not even in the inexpressible way by which reality perceives itself. It is just fucking gone.</p><p>In this situation, what happens to foxes?<br />Foxes are orange, but they aren't <i>only</i> orange. There is more to fox-dom than just the fact that they are orange. Foxes have other colors on them. They have claws, and fur, and eyes, and many things within them that are not the color orange. </p><p>To be clear, when I say that foxes have things that aren't orange, I don't mean that they have things that aren't <i>colored</i> orange. They do, but that's beside the point. When I say that foxes have things that aren't orange, I mean they have things that aren't orange in the same way that a flag, even a flag that is entirely colored orange, is still a flag, and not a color. Back to foxes.</p><p>As I was saying, orange may be gone, but there's still plenty of fox left over. The problem is that foxes don't just changes colors, once orange disappears. Foxes do not suddenly become blue. Instead, the color of a fox is now something that doesn't exist, and that causes... Problems. </p><p><br /></p><p>This, in essence, is what the Before-Things are. They're objects with traits that no longer exist. They're stuck in a paradoxical state of simultaneous existence and non-existence, and non-existence is winning. Reality doesn't recognize them anymore, and so they're being erased. That's where it ends, for most of them. They quietly wink out of ever-having-been. Some of them, though, figure out the only way they can extend their lifespan - Being recognized. <br /></p><p>Sure, they can't get the universe to remember them, but they can get people to, and that's the next-best thing. How do they accomplish this? Doesn't matter! Most often, it's almost murdering someone. There are few times you're more focused on perceiving something than when you're fighting for your life, and trauma flashbacks will provide some sustenance for years to come.</p><p>It doesn't matter, though. They're fighting a losing battle. The question isn't whether or not they'll cease to exist, it's how long until they do. </p><p><br /></p><p>How do you use any of this shit?<br /><br />Fuck if I know.</p>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-2847648050683169912021-03-10T19:42:00.000-08:002021-03-10T19:42:00.974-08:00The AtlanteansDepending on how things go, this may be the first post I'll be writing about an entirely new setting. There's also a chance I'll cannibalize it and reuse ideas on Egharl. Maybe it'll grow in the telling and end up becoming its own goddamn setting. Maybe I'll get bored and never write about this again. There is literally no way for anyone to predict what is about to happen. Fuck you, I'm horrid at this.<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><div>The Ocean is not a happy place. To be fair, most places in the world are not happy. The Oceans aren't an exception.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>The Atlanteans, as they will be called until I get a better name for them than "Atlanteans", are one of the causes of this unhappiness. Scholars broadly divide them into four groups, who I will now vaguely gesture my way through. Hopefully, it'll make more sense once I'm out of the introduction.</div><div><br /></div><div>They aren't humans. They're humanoid, but they look more like the Sahaugin than anything else I can easily describe.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>The first group are generally known as "People of Basalt". They take their name from their place of origin, unsurprisingly known as the "Basalt City", which itself is built around, you fucking guessed it, the "Basalt Crystal".</div><div><br /></div><div>Poor naming scheme aside, it isn't inaccurate. To those with enough time to pursue magic, the Basalt Crystal is everything. To everyone else, the city that depends on those people is. Magical power is derived from the Basalt Crystal, mystical visions are divined from the Basalt Crystal, and perhaps most importantly, the Basalt Crystal allows for a sort of mass production that would otherwise be impossible underwater. There are real, working forges in the Basalt City - Hell, they work better than most forges on the surface do. They can't really be used to make metal weapons, but they <i>can</i> be combined with an obscure magical process to create, you guessed it, basalt weapons.</div><div><br /></div><div>For whatever reason, this power has not been used to create an empire. Instead, the Basalt City was created, and then expanded, and eventually it became a hellish network of identical tubes for anyone who isn't a native. In general, the People of the Basalt are remarkably isolationist. Still engaged in an eternal war with the rest of the world, but who isn't?</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>The "People of Waves" are the most widespread of the bunch. I struggle to describe specifics because I don't have any especially distinctive traits to build around, so I'll talk about hierarchy for a minute.</div><div>Atlanteans never stop growing. By the time they're considered adults, they're slightly shorter than the average man. Hundred years after that, and they're about the size of an ogre. Should they manage to survive to somewhere around their 250s, they'll rival most giants for size. They're also organized into a very strict age-based hierarchy. In effect, the bigger you are, the higher up on the ladder you are.</div><div>That being said, very few make it to their 250s. As a Person of the Waves, your life is going to go one of four ways. Either you show the aptitude to become either a mage or a priest, and are probably killed in line of duty and/or murdered by rivals, you become skilled enough at your chosen trade that you're allowed to hang around as a teacher, or you don't manage to do any of that and you're shipped off to war once you hit middle-age. Besides the very real need for troops to fuel an unending, omni-directional war in the sea, this also helps make sure that no one gets powerful enough to threaten the order of things. This system exists to some degree in every group of Atlanteans, but it's most obvious and most strict among the People of the Waves.</div><div>Above the seas, they do a brisk trade in coal, mostly with the Vampire Barons, in exchange for the mass-produced products that coal makes possible. It's a mutually beneficial agreement, all things considered.</div><div>The Vampire Barons will definitely get their own post, later down the line. They're the thing that inspired this whole as-yet-unnamed setting.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Next up, "People of Ice". It's speculated that they were originally a group of one of the other types, who were forced into Arctic regions by the Pelagics, another group of fish-people who may eventually get their own post. Whatever the case, they've managed to endure the cold weather and, through whatever means, stumbled upon the rare art of Ice-Crafting. Occasionally, they send trading expeditions South. These expeditions are huge, sailing on broken-off chunks of glacier, maintained by hundreds of Atlanteans and at least two mages - One to steer the ship and one to keep it frozen. They aren't afraid of the ship sinking, but they're pretty damn easy to board. These voyages are incredibly hectic.</div><div>They're also necromancers. Not the kind where you go through elaborate rituals to reanimate a corpse under some external power, because that kind of extremely expensive and generally inefficient. The kind where you make a corpse really easy for a spirit to inhabit, set up a few wards, and then pray to whatever deities you hold that it does what you want it to and doesn't go fucking berserk. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Finally, we have the "People of Coral". They live in coral. They make their tools out of coral. Generally, they're thought to be a bunch of disconnected and uncivilized tribes who mostly occupy themselves with raiding passers-by, both under and above the water.</div><div><br />Rumors of a singular Ur-Coral which links every reef in the world are, as of yet, unsubstantiated.</div>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-59333198239100983472021-03-10T14:46:00.003-08:002021-03-10T14:46:22.674-08:00OCEANS<p> OCEANS.</p><p><br /></p><p>THEY'RE FUCKING STUPID. I'M GOING TO FIGHT THE WAVES.</p>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-80432402695225023952021-02-25T18:27:00.001-08:002021-02-25T18:27:13.179-08:00The Major Powers, Summarized<h3 style="text-align: center;">So, I can't actually give you a summary.</h3><div>Egharl isn't a finished world. By this point, that much should be clear. It's also an unfinished world in a lot of obvious ways. </div><div><br /></div><div>I cannot accurately outline for you the governmental structures of most civilizations. What I <i>can</i> do is give you a few details, a general vibe, and talk about where I'm drawing my inspiration from.</div><div><br /></div><div>So, for the benefit of my players, untoth we go.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">The Church of Harithke</h3><div>Full honesty: Virtually everything to do with the Church has been stolen from <a href="http://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Goblin Punch</a>, because they're a far better writer than I am, and their ideas are great, and so I stole them all. In the future, I'm going to do the best to make the Church of Harithke more distinct from the Church of Heseya, but at the moment there's hardly anything.</div><div><br /></div><div>The biggest change I've made is the Church's prominence, and this itself was just inspired by a <a href="http://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/postponing-empire.html">different</a> one of Arnold K's posts. Centerra's Church is a monolith. It has the power to make the literal Winds behave. But in the words of the man himself, "What does an evil empire look like before it's ripe?"</div><div><br /></div><div>That's not to say the Church is evil. I try my best to keep the idea of "Evil" away from my worldbuilding. In the real world, morality tends to be pretty clear-cut. Landlords are bad. Charity is good. Imperialism is bad. Multi-culturalism is good. This can certainly make for good stories, but it also doesn't make for interesting <i>choices. </i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>Also, I don't want to talk about politics. I know full well that any political conversation I'm involved in ends horribly, because even other leftists struggle to tolerate my views. If I start worrying about morality, my DMing will turn into an pacifistic screed, and that'll be really fucking dull for everyone involved. </div><div><br /></div><div>This is a whole tangent, and I know that I'm writing it largely because I know my players read this blog, but to summarize:<br />Please keep modern politics out of my game, at the very least for my sake as a DM. I can't run that shit. I can't distance myself from my sense of morality just enough so that I can run a fantasy early-Renaissance game where a group of seven people can establish a leftist society by beating Feudalism to death with a large stick. Give your characters political viewpoints. Give them radical political viewpoints. Have them rebel. Just please, don't give them <i>your</i> political viewpoints.</div><div><br /></div><div>This is what happens when a post is fueled by ADHD medication and hypomania. I'm going to try and get back on track.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">The Church of Harithke, but For Real.</h3><div><br /></div><div>They aren't a nation, they're a religion. Coramont is a city-state, comparable to the Vatican. The Patriarch of the Church is also the Lord of Coramont. The city has a standing army, albeit a small one. The Church doesn't technically have a standing army, but they do employ a whole lot of paladins, and when you assemble a few legions of paladins together, they start to look a hell of a lot like an army.</div><div><br /></div><div>In theory, the Church can call those loyal to it to war, and they will respond. In practice, it's a bit of a tossup. Not everyone is eager to go marching off to war, especially the ones further away from Coramont. </div><div><br /></div><div>The Patriarch is in charge of worldly concerns. He can call holy wars, issue bans on commerce, excommunicate people who fuck around. The Archpriest of Coramont is his successor, appointed by the Patriarch and charged with the spiritual needs of the city, until such a time in which he ascends to become the new Patriarch.</div><div><br /></div><div>The Prophetess is kept isolated from the world, so that she might not be stained by corruption. She is expected to know the answer to every theological question by heart, and spend her time thinking up more of them. Really, she lives more like a hermit than any religious authority.</div><div><br /></div><div>The City of Coramont itself is a city on a lake. It is said to be impenetrable, but in practice, no one has actually put it to the test for three hundred-odd years.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><h3 style="text-align: center;">The Bronze Cliffs</h3></div><div>Their homeland is a group of islands, off the West coast. Home to Dwarves, Tabaxi, Bullywugs, and Grung. Run by a pair of Twin Kings - One to govern the Isles, one to govern everything outside. They need to agree on foreign policy. Almost everyone is part of a Clan, and most local governments are set up by individual Clans. If you break the rules in another Clan's territory, they'll beat you up and cart you off back home, where you'll either be congratulated on a good fight, shamed for your disorderly conduct, or belittled for getting caught. Laws are lax, but punishments are harsh. </div><div><br /></div><div>Have a general pantheon, but the specifics differ from place to place, especially in colonies. The only thing everyone can agree upon is Mora-Adin, Twin Gods of Home and Horizon. The Twin Kings are made in their image.</div><div><br /></div><div>Despite the name, the Twin Kings have no gender requirement. The only thing required is that they contrast - One male and one female, or one Dwarf and one Tabaxi, or one beareded and one bald. </div><div><br /></div><div>Much of their leadership is genuinely good-meaning, but the nation as a whole is hopelessly caught up colonial fever. Ports that owe their loyalty to the Bronze Cliffs are everywhere, and they've even got a few proper colonies.</div><div><br /></div><div>Politically, they've no relation to the Dueregar of the Near-Deadlands. The similarity between Dwarf and Dueregar seems to be mere coincidence.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">The Empire of Iudra</h3><div>The Empire is divided up into provinces, each of which is given relative autonomy. An old kingdom, though no one is quite sure exactly how old. Their history is muddled by more than a few collapses, revolutions, and resuscitations. This isn't the most powerful they've ever been, but at the moment, it seems stable. </div><div><br /></div><div>Provinces of note include Chalea, generally considered to be the birthplace of modern Rangers, which produces some of the best hunters in the world, and Sine, a pioneer in technology and the arts. </div><div><br /></div><div>In Iudra, the bureaucracy and the military are the same thing. Rank-and-file soldiers are also trained as clerks, while generals pull double duty as politicians and legislators. In times of conflict, politicians are expected to prove themselves in open warfare. In times of peace, this means that everyone gets really into board games. </div><div><br /></div><div>If you don't like a politician, you can pretend to assassinate them. Faux-assassinations are common, most often preformed with wooden knives, or occasionally pointless arrows. Getting assasinated is shameful - If that's the kind of care you take for your own security, how can you be trusted with the security of an empire? To be fair, it's less shameful the cleverer the assassination is. To be fair again, the cleverer the assassination, the better your opponents, which can make people hesitant to align with you. It's a whole thing.</div><div><br /></div><div>Those outside the city of Iudra are often confused by the needless complexity of their political system, while the inhabitants of the city pride themselves on it. The oldest Iudran provinces have learned to quietly sigh, shake their heads, and carry on with whatever they were doing before the capital's latest scheme came to fruition.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">The Dominion of Nehtar</h3><div><br /></div><div>Ostensibly, Nehtar is a monarchy. In practice, the kings of Nehtar serve almost entirely as religious leaders. </div><div><br /></div><div>They are ruled by a Council of Eight, staffed by representatives of various organizations. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm skipping over them for now, because it's late, I want to get this post out by tonight, and I'm trying to get a decent sleep schedule. </div><div><br /></div><div>Maybe I'll update it tomorrow. Maybe I'll give Nehtar its own fucking post. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Dunno.</div>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-24157636715757462752021-02-25T10:51:00.003-08:002021-02-25T10:51:52.085-08:00The Map is Back<p> Oh God, it's so hideous and blank.</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCsiCPxhm4cmHuVOivvAHyHiRYxItDiQqtblpgdtrajMlgj9OemIEFM2NP5_FCFTeOIJhyI5RunjqIQbBdOgAsG0Qq_WQR7YmoyNSBRYoRw8cDxzIb2p9AB_d4opKNPNR6-9k-aUQdalRR/s2048/map+for+sela%25286%2529.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" height="401" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCsiCPxhm4cmHuVOivvAHyHiRYxItDiQqtblpgdtrajMlgj9OemIEFM2NP5_FCFTeOIJhyI5RunjqIQbBdOgAsG0Qq_WQR7YmoyNSBRYoRw8cDxzIb2p9AB_d4opKNPNR6-9k-aUQdalRR/w602-h401/map+for+sela%25286%2529.jpg" width="602" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-70114622845197008892021-01-10T12:11:00.008-08:002021-01-10T12:19:00.488-08:00Variations of Vampires<p> What <i>is</i> a vampire?</p><p>It's a topic of academic controversy. Sure, everyone can agree that the pasty fellow who can't come out in sunlight and needs to drink blood is a vampire, but what is it in those traits that makes them a vampire?</p><p>Sabre-toothed cats have fangs, but they aren't vampires. Lampreys feed primarily on blood, but they aren't vampires. Spectres lose their power in sunlight, and they even have a life-draining attack, but they aren't vampires.<br /><strike>(Unless they are)</strike><br /><br />Like most things, it's a matter of academic debate. The Church holds that vampire is any being which both drains the blood of victims, and is harmed by sunlight. Other variations may still be demons, but not specifically vampires. To the primarily cave-dwelling Dueregar, sensitivity to sunlight loses most of its meaning, and most people will agree that something is a vampire as long as its some sort of undead that feeds on blood. To the people of Illearth, drinking blood is an extreme blasphemy, and they don't really care what you are, because most things die just fine when you burn them at the stake. <br /><br />The academics will probably never stop fighting about this. That's just the way they are. Good for them, but not for the rest of us. Most of us have a vague idea of what a vampire is, and nailing down the exact specifics isn't high on our priority list. So, here's a bunch of vampires or vampire-like monsters for you to argue over the status of, you academic bastards.</p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Carnivorous Water:</h3><div>You remember this from my last article? The one I published literally last night?<br />I think this was the strongest idea on it, and now I'm developing it more.<br /><br />"Carnivorous Water" is just the common name, but its a fairly accurate one. The substance inside isn't technically water, but it acts like water, and they are carnivorous.<br /><br />Carnivorous Water is an sort of psuedo-ooze, because unlike true oozes, it is not acidic, nor is it a single-celled organism. Instead, Carnivorous Water corresponds closer to an undead, in that it is normally non-living material that is held together and animated by magic. When you smack Carnivorous Water with a hammer, it responds like a really strong water balloon. It'll ripple and move, even bend inwards, but you won't break the surface. This is the magic which holds it together. Once that magical energy runs out, it loses all cohesion, and with that cohesion, its life. <br /><br />This ability is selective. The barrier naturally strengthens in response to being struck, exerting just enough energy to stop the strike from breaching the surface, but it can also be selectively weakened in order to absorb objects. What is it absorbing?Well, that's where the carnivorous part comes in. Carnivorous Water isn't a summoned creature, so it can't rely on a constant flow of energy from its creator to keep it alive. As it turns out, blood holds quite a bit of energy, and in comparison to magical artifacts, blood is abundant. But how does it get the blood? It could scavenge, but that's inefficient and overly luck based. Instead, Carnivorous Water absorbs sharp objects. Any sharp object will do. Pointed rocks, rusty nails, discarded teeth, an entire fucking sword, as long as it can draw blood, it's useful. It hunts by ambush, hiding sitting somewhere inconspicuous until some prey comes along, then bursting out and attempting to engulf the prey. If this succeeds, the Water will then swirl around its insides and let all the debris it's managed to collect carve up the unfortunate victim. Once the Water is satisfied with its meal, it just slithers off to convert the collected blood into energy. This is when they're at their most vulnerable - Hunting takes energy, and the splashes of red destroy any sort of natural camouflage the Water might enjoy.<br />The Water is an animal, and isn't averse to fleeing if it feels like sticking around isn't worth the risk, there's an easier source of food nearby, or even if it just feels full. If you're carrying around a bucket of blood, simply splash any Water that seems to threaten you, and the beast will just sit still and digest its meal. No need for a difficult hunt when food is being quite literally thrown at it.<br />Elephants often keep Carnivorous Waters, either as pets or to use them as war-beasts against humanoids. You can stab an elephant with a knife, and your knife will just embed harmlessly into the skin. Rusty nails hardly pose any sort of threat to them.<br /><br />If you use these, please come up with a better name for them than "Carnivorous Water", and then please tell me that name, because "Carnivorous Water" is a terrible name. I will 100% edit the article to include that name.<br /><br /><h3 style="text-align: left;">Amentique Vampires:</h3></div><div><br /></div><div>Ay, things that everyone can recognize as vampires!<br />For the most part, Amentique Vampires fit the basic concept of a vampire. They're pale, ethereal creatures that feed on blood and have weird powers. They can't turn into wolves or bats or anything of that sort, but they can transform into mist, and they're the sort of vampire you might expect to see sailing upon a moonbeam.<br />Unlike the traditional vampire, they tend to be a bit off in the head. Amentique Vampires are often seen hanging around fey, and it has been speculated that the bloodline was originated by some fey meddling. They're nomadic, travelling just as often in small groups as they do alone. Many prefer to interact with people before feeding on them. To an Amentique Vampire, feeding shouldn't be a calculated act of predation, but instead the culmination of a wondrous night of dance and revelry. Comics, poets, musicians, dancers, casanovas - Whatever and Amentique does, they'll do it so well that you'll barely care when they bite you. <br />You shouldn't mistake revelry for genuine affection, but neither should you always assume that genuine affection does not exist. In Afary, a common folk tale is that of a abused girl, visited by an Amentique. So moved is the Amentique by both her tragic tale and grace in revelry that he rescues her away her family, and takes her as his bride. On the other side of the world, in Chalea, another tale speaks of a young man, scorned by his community for perceived femininity. After being visited by an Amentique of noble standing, the young man awakens to find a sword forged of moonlight left behind as a parting gift. This story is often used in Chalea to explain why homophobia is stupid and wrong, because Chalea is the gay capital of the world. Heterosexuality is seen as distasteful, and childbearing is seen as an ugly yet necessary practice. Chalea has a fair few stories like this, but this one, often called "The Amentique Stranger", is one of the most popular. As a consequence, the people of Chalea have very positive feelings about the Amentique.<br /></div><div>Aesthetically speaking, the Amentique aren't really Gothic. They love moonlight, and their clothing is often primarily white. If you want an example of someone who is aesthetically Amentique, check out David Bowie during the Thin White Duke era. Hell, the Thin White Duke as a whole might make a good basis for an evil Amentique, and it gives you an excuse to look at David Bowie, a thing which I will never turn down.<br />The Amentique are some of the best moon-smiths in the world. If you want someone to weave you a cloak out of moonlight, the Amentique would be top candidates. The only issues are finding the Amentique, and then finding something that they'd actually accept as payment.<br />In some parts of the world, people will say that someone feeling especially sluggish and tired was "Danced with an Amentique", the same way we might say someone "Got up on the wrong side of the bed." Like, "Ay, don't worry about Doracas, e' was just visited by an Amentique. I'm sure e'll be better in no time."<br /><br /><h3 style="text-align: left;">Auctor Vampires:</h3></div><div><br /></div><div>Auctor Vampires are weird. They're one of the types that is nigh-universally recognized as vampires, but compared to most other variations, they're really quite weak. Generally thought to have originated an experimental attempt to achieve immortality, they are, in that regard, mostly a success. Their lifespans are most likely indefinite, and at the very least immensely extended. They are capable of entering a torpor state to remain inactive for large periods of time, but this is risky, as they can't wake up at will, and the exact length of a torpor is imprecise. The margin of error is around 5% more or less time than they originally intended to sleep for.<br />As for powers... They don't really have much. Any humanoid victim drained entirely as blood reanimates as a zombie in perpetuity, but the zombies are stupid, clumsy, and often make it much more difficult to hide in populated areas. On the bright side, they don't have many weaknesses, either. Sunlight is irritating, but not crippling. A stake through the heart or beheading will still kill them, but for the same reason those things can kill any humanoid. They have no exceptional defenses, methods of healing, powers of transformation, nothing. For many Auctor, vampirism can feel more like a crippling food allergy.<br />They can't even reproduce normally. The only Auctor capable of turning others are the "Progenitor" Auctor, of which very few exist. The only way to become a Progenitor is to kill an existing one and consume their blood.<br />This puts the Auctor in a very tricky situation. The number of Progenitors can never increase, but it is quite capable of decreasing. Every time a Progenitor is killed and no other Auctor manages to feed on their blood, there's simply one less Progenitor in the world. Unless someone discovers how to create new Progenitors from scratch, which seems very unlikely, the Auctor are a doomed race, simply counting down the time they have left before extinction.<br />DM Note: These are vampires as a PC race, largely based on the vampire race 5e gave us in "Plane Shift: Zendikar". I did my best to make them less setting-dependent and a bit more interesting, but at the core, this is the stat sheet you hand to a player that wants to play a vampire from 1st level.<br /><br /><br /><h3 style="text-align: left;">Final Note:</h3></div><div>Christ, I had a lot more to say than I expected. I'm far from out of ideas, but this post is already long enough. Just be aware that this is probably going to be a series, because vampires are interesting creatures to fuck around with.<br /><br />I hope you're happy, <span style="font-family: inherit;">Zo<span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">ë.</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;"><br /><br /></span></span></div>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-54686601611470593912021-01-09T20:04:00.003-08:002021-01-09T20:04:47.111-08:00I got high and ate a kitten<p> fUCK you, I WILL EAT ANOTHER.</p><p><br /></p><p>I'M NOT IMITATING SCRAP PRINCESS, THIS IS SIMPLY HOW I CREATE.</p><p><br /></p><p>Also I need to make myself look morally righteous again so HERE ARE FIVE DIFFERENT TYPES OF HORRIBLE, KITTEN-EATING MONSTERS</p><p><br /></p><p>Werewolf-wolf:</p><p><br />It's like a werewolf, but instead of being a guy, it's a wolf. On nights of the full moon it turns into a bigger, scarier wolf, and then kills a bunch of shit. The local town goes into panic because "Oh God there's a werewolf, he could be anyone" but it's just a regular wolf who gets really buff sometimes.</p><p><br /></p><p>Hole:</p><p><br /></p><p>It's a fucking hole, but it moves. You trip and fall in a hole and it eats your fucking leg. You're walking along and then a hole is moving towards you and you're really confused for a second and then BAM IT EATS YOUR FUCKING LEG.</p><p>You can't stab it, because it doesn't have a body, it's made up of negative space. You beat it by filling it up, probably with rocks.</p><p><br /></p><p>Carnivorous Swan:</p><p><br /></p><p>Literally exactly what it sounds like. It's a swan, but it's carnivorous. Technically, swans are already carnivorous sometimes, but this one wants to eat you in particular. Genuinely fucking terrifying, if you've ever been attacked by a swan. Those fuckers will slap you with their neck, and your arm will break before their neck will.</p><p><br /></p><p>Carnivorous Water:</p><p><br /></p><p>Water that eats you. It does this with teeth. It is water filled with teeth, and it wants to eat you, especially if you are a kitten.</p><p><br /></p><p>Kitten-beast:</p><p><br /></p><p>It looks like a kitten, from a distance. For all intents and purposes, you'd never know it's not a kitten, until it opens its mouth.</p><p>It's not a kitten, but when its mouth is closed, it looks basically kitten-like. Really, its mouth is at the end of a very long tentacle, and the full body lives beneath the ground. If you try to pet it, it will open in half and then fucking eat it.</p><p>Like a Wolf-In-Sheeps-Clothing, but bigger, and also a kitten.</p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiddKSEzej_gkHzlM_qAHPrQ5lZpRdgsm-KhAC1oU5_uKdlCpuBSZnwnXTwMRVsyxDGq2T2evhoHpOGShTFWUbyVQRN_nVUgwVlhaAmaAN5CuYbniVkTQwcXZyy-7y2hJYiMhnNVtRT2HqS//" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="397" data-original-width="189" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiddKSEzej_gkHzlM_qAHPrQ5lZpRdgsm-KhAC1oU5_uKdlCpuBSZnwnXTwMRVsyxDGq2T2evhoHpOGShTFWUbyVQRN_nVUgwVlhaAmaAN5CuYbniVkTQwcXZyy-7y2hJYiMhnNVtRT2HqS//" width="114" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-65921171995279416172020-12-08T14:10:00.004-08:002020-12-08T14:10:45.137-08:00Imma Fucking Stupid<p>School is hard, and also I have severe ADHD.</p><p><br /></p><p>These two things in combination will serve as my excuse for every future vanishing act I pull.</p><p><br /></p><p>Also, this is my blog, and I write it because I want to. I do not owe it anything, and I am perfectly within my rights to stop whenever I want. It just happens that I didn't actually <i>want</i> to stop in my most recent disappearance, I was just eaten up by schoolwork.</p>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-23828972517984494892020-10-01T21:22:00.002-07:002020-10-01T21:22:18.544-07:00AN EXTENSION<p> MY PRIEVIOUS POST, AND BY EXTENSION, EVERY INSULT CONTAINED THERIN AND THEROUT, ARE FURTHERMORE TO BE DIRECTED AT <a href="https://ledumdumspalaceofthoughts.blogspot.com/2020/10/blog-post.html?m=1#more">LE DUM DUM'S PALACE.</a></p><p><br /></p><p>COME ON, YOU LACKADASICAL TWIDDLE-TWADDLER! HAVE AT YE! RETURN MY SERVE!</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6iVNkgQLeGfnPDX4SOKtv1HD49GZv9OYzpAC9I5qlo7ZX8fcjlAdkVHwkcN0_oMShdb9rzvIKGUW-3uvF7Yhx7YpR0vJjZBXq4b3ZI6MeqSPD0-SOGqqJ7kVqdylWcnsqdHIPzrVOGUjT//" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="342" height="451" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6iVNkgQLeGfnPDX4SOKtv1HD49GZv9OYzpAC9I5qlo7ZX8fcjlAdkVHwkcN0_oMShdb9rzvIKGUW-3uvF7Yhx7YpR0vJjZBXq4b3ZI6MeqSPD0-SOGqqJ7kVqdylWcnsqdHIPzrVOGUjT/w385-h451/image.png" width="385" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-44417294937083289432020-10-01T21:03:00.006-07:002020-10-01T21:05:16.862-07:00A MOST SERIOUS AND GRIM CHALLENGE<p> UPON THE HONOR OF ALL NINETY-TWO OF MY ONE-EARED ANCESTORS, I NOW CHALLENGE THE OWNER OF <a href="https://allthesetediousthings.blogspot.com/">ALL THESE TEDIOUS THINGS</a>, BE HE NOT A CRAVEN AND WORTHLESS FOOL, TO THE MOST HOLY AND PRECIOUS OF GAMES, TO A GREAT AND ALMIGHTY WAR OF <a href="http://monstermanualsewnfrompants.blogspot.com/2020/03/image-response-ping-pong.html">IMAGE PING PONG.</a></p><p><br /></p><p>THOU KNOWEST THE RULES WELESTHTST ENOUGH ALREADY, AND SO I GIVE THOUST MINE SERVE!</p><p><br /></p><p>WHAT, GOOD SER, HEREBY THISETH DEPICTION SHALL BE CREATED OF?</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs_TYfbQcQXVl1HdYqLwPnE5V6zXfFF2TnPqNODHX1YM3FJZeLH-WyycYPrqDJM0XlaxRoWg8uJWw_dDLxew3OLUFbz1N5SejLZ_Clnb2WdLt68vDK6U_Pu_GaBH9bfmEgc7wyoeyYBK5N/s924/xh2rtf49nz831.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="924" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs_TYfbQcQXVl1HdYqLwPnE5V6zXfFF2TnPqNODHX1YM3FJZeLH-WyycYPrqDJM0XlaxRoWg8uJWw_dDLxew3OLUFbz1N5SejLZ_Clnb2WdLt68vDK6U_Pu_GaBH9bfmEgc7wyoeyYBK5N/s320/xh2rtf49nz831.png" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-37930050201512740202020-09-10T14:48:00.001-07:002020-09-10T14:48:09.619-07:00Vytrius, who is Beautiful and Mad<h3 style="text-align: center;"><br /></h3><h3 style="text-align: center;">Vytrius</h3><div><br /></div><div>Vytrius is a town, and it is also a person. </div><div><br /></div><div>The town is composed of four parts, and I am going to talk about all of them sequentially, and then the person.</div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">The City</h3><div><br /></div><div>Vytrius is an old city, and a prosperous one. It is one of the most stable places in the world, and its borders have remained almost unchanged for the past few hundred years. This is due almost entirely to its patron, who is powerful enough to scare off most incursions, but has no particular interest in expansion. The combination of posing no particular threat to anyone and everyone knowing exactly who lives there is quite effective.</div><div><br /></div><div>The fourth circle of Vytrius is unassuming. It isn't technically part of the city proper and sits outside its walls, but most say it belongs there. You'll primarily find caravans, mercenaries, and most anyone else you'd see in a trading square. You might wonder why it sits outside the walls, but the answer quickly becomes obvious.</div><div><br /></div><div>The third circle of Vytrius is where the actual city begins. </div><div>Nothing ugly is allowed within the walls. No ugly people are permitted entrance. No items deemed ugly, no matter how valuable, are allowed into the city. <br />Any contraband is taken, destroyed, and its owner is fined. Anyone found in the city who are not up to its standards are imprisoned and executed.</div><div>The guard are professionals, specially trained to judge books by their covers, and are often called upon to serve as judges during competitions, pageants, or petty disputes.</div><div>Besides that, the city itself is quite wonderful. The people are made friendly and generous by their comfortable lives, and the guard is largely ceremonial. More attention is paid to their appearance than actual combat readiness.</div><div><br /></div><div>Nothing dull is allowed into the second circle of Vytrius.</div><div><br /></div><div>Where the third circle is lively and warm, the second circle is often eerily quiet. It's simply more convenient to live outside the second circle, without having to worry about losing anything deemed "dull". Most of those who do live here spend most of the time in the third circle, and only reside where they do because the prices are cheaper.</div><div>Of the communities which exist entirely within the second circle, most of them have a frustratingly high opinion of themselves. They're stereotypical gated communities, except they aren't nearly as rich or beautiful as they'd like to think.</div><div><br /></div><div>The first circle of Vytrius is not technically a circle. Instead, it is the original citadel that the rest of the city is built around. </div><div>Nothing that is not beautiful is allowed within the first circle.</div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">The Person</h3><div><br /></div><div>To talk more about the first circle, I need to talk about who sits at its center - Vytrius.</div><div><br /></div><div>Vytrius is a Swarmborne, at least one thousand years of age. Unlike most Swarmborne, who inhabit the bodies of convenient and numerous vermin, Vytrius has become a cloud of butterflies.</div><div>Most commonly, they appear as a swarm of butterflies in the vague outline of a man. They communicate almost entirely by telepathy, which is probably for the better - Those few that have heard their voice have described the combination of countless tiny sounds as terrifying, at best.</div><div>It is Vytrius who constructed the original citadel, Vytrius who decreed that nothing ugly was to approach them, and Vytrius who will emerge to defend the city when it is threatened.</div><div><br /></div><div>Vytrius is also the reason for the city's legendary bureaucracy. The bureaucracy of the first circle, where many citizens earn their livelihood, has a double purpose - It keeps other people away from Vytrius, and it keeps Vytrius away from other people.</div><div><br /></div><div>The first purpose is simple. Vytrius is quite reclusive, and really does not like disturbances to... Whatever it is they are doing in their tower. The second purpose is a bit more obscure, but it goes like this: <br />Almost everyone considers Vytrius quite mad, and a thousand year old madman with the magical power they possess isn't something anyone wants around very much. To this end, the bureaucracy was constructed so that any action Vytrius might take, they have to first wade through the miles of red tape that anyone else would endure if they wanted an audience. <br />Vytrius does this voluntarily. While they are not technically ruler of the city, no one is under the illusion that they couldn't enforce their will, if they wished it. Vytrius simply obeys these rules because he thinks them to be beautiful.</div><div><br /></div><div>And so the bureaucracy of Vytrius is an eternal balancing act. They must be keep the lord pleased with them, while simultaneously limiting his mobility. They must make sure nothing in the city rouses the lord to anger, while maintaining the almost-normalcy they've managed to create. It is not an enviable task.</div><div><br /></div><div>Besides the bureaucracy, the first circle is a very strange place. There are rooms entirely filled with living butterflies, rooms whose walls are covered with dead butterflies, each in pristine condition, as part of Vytrius's ongoing quest to collect one of each type of butterfly that exists. There are rooms filled with illusions of butterflies, rooms filled with paintings of butterflies, the occasional butterfly-like monstrosity traversing the hallways, and that's on top of all the guards and traps Vytrius has set up to preserve his privacy and protect his collection. Really, you should always stick to the rooms the bureaucracy has cataloged.</div><div><br /></div><div>Might make for a cool dungeon, though. Maybe even a mega-dungeon.</div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">The Outside</h3><div><br /></div><div>At this moment, the peace of Vytrius is the most fragile it has been in years. </div><div><br /></div><div>Northwards, the Church of Ilysy's recent expansion shows no signs of stopping, and it seems the next place to go would be southwards, bringing them dangerously close to the city.</div><div>The city may not have been conquered before, but it is far from invincible. It's just that most would-be invaders reason that the risk of "Angry Ancient Mage of Unknown Power" isn't worth the reward of "One Pretty Nice City". </div><div>Will the Church break this record? It is unlike them to tolerate a magic user this powerful in their territory, but the reward such an invasion would pose seems... Underwhelming.</div><div><br /></div><div>From the hills, rumors spread that druids have begun to gather, plotting gods know what - Quite possibly invasion. </div><div>That being said, the motivation that drives large groups of druids to actions is arcane. No one is ever quite certain why they do what they do, and if they are plotting to overthrow the city, then why now, and not hundreds of years ago?<br /><br /></div><div>The answers, as always, are frustratingly obscure.</div>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-90119423930999095572020-09-10T13:44:00.000-07:002020-09-10T13:44:01.403-07:00Other Liches<h3 style="text-align: center;">I'M GOING TO LIVE FOREVER!</h3><p><br /></p><p>There are more ways to immortality than just undeath, you know. Spellcasters have been trying to extend their lives since time immemorial, and they've come up with a fair few more methods and just "Become a Spooky Scary Skeleton Man".</p><p>(\\Digression - I say spellcaster, but it really means anyone. It's a ritual, and like all rituals, it's theoretically possible for anyone powerful enough to preform it, its just that most fighters and the like don't have the resources or the inclination to do the research and preparation necessary to make it happen, while that is kind of a spellcaster's whole job.)</p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: center;">The Worm That Walks</h3><p style="text-align: center;">You're probably already aware of the Worm that Walks, but for those of you who aren't, here's the gist -</p><p>Lichdom isn't the only path towards immortality, nor are necromancers the only ones who ever seek to escape death. When an exceptionally powerful spellcaster decides that they want to preserve themselves forever, they have a whole myriad of ways to do so. I'll definitely write a post about some of the more interesting ones sometime, but that's not right now. Anyway, our future Worm that Walks decides hey, you know what's better than become immortal as a person? Becoming immortal as a bunch of fucking worms! So this individual, who is doubtlessly both sane and extremely intelligent, does some ritual left unspecified so you can come up with it, and then a bunch of worms eat his corpse, and then he takes over all the worm's minds and now he's a bunch of worms. Also, he can incorporate new worms into the mix so he doesn't die when all the original get old. </p><p>"Worm that Walks" is a stupid name, and also an innaccurate one. I'm going to call them "Swarmborne". While still stupid, this name is at least accurate, because they don't have to be composed of specifically worms. As long as the mix is homogeneous, they can use basically any creatures, as long as they're small enough. Ants, roaches, locusts, there are even rare examples of rats, and at least one giant has transformed himself into a pack of wolves. Worms are just the most commonly used ones because worms are common, versatile, and hardy.</p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: center;">Transmetallics</h3><div><br /></div><div>Oh look, another thing I built off of a concept stolen from, apparently, <a href="http://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2020/05/death-metal.html" target="_blank">the only blog I know.</a></div><div><br /></div><div>Transmetallics are people who pursue the immortality of metal. Metal isn't technically immortal, of course, but they figure they can patch up the damaged parts and be good as new.</div><div>Theoretically, there are as many different types of transmetallics as there are metals, but most of them are steel, because steel is both strong and easily found. The dream of every transmetallic is to turn themselves into pure adamantium, but this is not something that's ever been done before. Most people would say it is either impossible or close enough to impossible that it isn't worth trying, which is why most people aren't transmetallics.</div><div><br /></div><div>The minority who transform into mercury are almost always driven mad. It's rather hard to hold on to a coherent identity when you've just made yourself liquid at room temperature.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">Burners</h3><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2020/04/liches-and-mummies.html">You know the drill.</a><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Burners are people who link their souls to a furnace. If the flame in that furnace ever goes out, the Burner dies. As a consequence, they tend to burn a lot of things, hence the name. The flames in these furnaces consume well more fuel than they have any right to, and the requirement just gets higher the longer a Burner's life is sustained. Sustaining life takes a lot of energy, man.</div><div><br /></div><div>The longer a Burner lives, the less they look like a human, and the more they look like a walking piece of charcoal. They can become very combustible, but because they're totally immune to fire, it tends to be a lot more dangerous to other people than it is to them. </div><div>If you wanted to be horrible, you could have them look like an actual burn victim, but that is so genuinely horrific and disgusting to me I will not set foot anywhere near it.</div><div><br /></div><div>The size of a Soul-Furnace varies drastically. A bigger flame means more power, but also more fuel, and a higher risk of getting noticed and being heroically slain by adventurers, or possibly just having their heads bashed in by some very angry druids.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">Chainers</h3><div><br /></div><div>Chainers are people who siphon off the immortality of naturally immortal (or very long lived) creatures they manage to imprison. Most commonly, those creatures are dragons.</div><div><br /></div><div>Despite the rituals needed being the simplest of all the immortals, Chainers are by far the rarest.</div><div>This is because only an idiot thinks they can tie up a dragon and leach immortality from it without it, breaking out and eating you, one of its friends breaking it out and eating you, or one of its enemies breaking it out and eating you.</div>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-66513676050945568212020-09-01T14:32:00.002-07:002021-03-19T11:55:08.632-07:00A Few Things people miss about Druids (Alternatively - Blood Makes the Grass Grow, KILL KILL KILL!)<p> Inspired by the <a href="http://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2014/09/7-myths-everyone-believes-about-druids.html">legendary</a> Goblin Punch article. </p><p>Have you noticed I take inspiration from that blog a lot? Because I take inspiration from that blog a lot.</p><p>It's a fucking good blog, what the fuck are you doing reading this nonsense instead of Goblin Punch?</p><p><br /></p><h1 style="text-align: center;">What the fuck even is a Druid?</h1><div><br /></div><div>No, seriously. Everyone has a picture in their head of what druids are like, but no one ever discusses what a druid is. They're "people possessed by the spirits of nature"? That makes sense, but like... How does one become possessed by the spirits of nature? What exactly does that entail? From the perspective of what we call nature, there is no such thing as "nature". A tree does not view itself as part of a forest. A forest does not view itself as part of an ecosystem. The Arctic does not think it is a desert, and would probably be offended by the implication. </div><div><br />It's the paradox of druids. The idea of "nature" is artificial. Druids would be people possessed by the fundamentally unnatural spirits of nature, and that just doesn't make any fucking sense.</div><div><br /></div><div>In the 2nd A&D Player's Handbook, the Druid is listed as a subtype of Cleric. This is how druids are most conventionally played.</div><div>But at the same time, priests of nature gods also exist alongside druids? How does that work? What's the difference between a druid and a nature-priest? And why is it specifically priests of nature that get special treatments, and not any of the other domains?</div><div><br /></div><div>I have chosen to resolve this problem by throwing everything about what druids are out the window, and coming up with something new.</div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">This is what the fuck a Druid even is</h3><div><br /></div><div>Druids are worshipers of concepts. They do not worship a god with the nature domain, nor do they worship an embodiment of nature. Druids cut out the middle man, and directly worship the abstract idea of nature.</div><div>If we're on the same wavelength, you may have noticed that this definition works for any concept, not just nature. That's because not every druid worships nature. Most do, because nature is an incredibly prevalent part of our lives, but the definition of "druid" applies to any concept-worshiper. </div><div><br /></div><div><div>Now that we understand what a druid even is, we can move on to actually talking about them.</div><div><br /></div></div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">Druids are like anarchists - No one can agree what the fuck they're doing</h3><div><div>Every single druid has a different idea of what "nature" is. Many of these definitions have similarities, and druids with similar definitions very often join together to form circles, but no two understandings are quite the same - And that's only addressing the druids who worship "nature". Many druids worship more specific things that might still fall under the category of nature, like "tundra", "fire", or "panthers", but there are also the druids that worship unnatural ideas, like "swords", "chiseled rock", or the even general idea of "civilization". </div><div>The numbers of unnatural druids tend to stay on the low end, both because most other druids hate them with a passion, and because becoming a druid needs a certain irrational passion, one that's rarely found in the comparatively sterile world of "civilized peoples". It's very difficult to be so inspired by the idea of math that you gain magical powers, but it isn't impossible.</div><div>Even putting the unnatural druids aside, huge variances still exist. A druid of the desert will struggle to find common ground with a druid of the forest, and even more so with a druid of the river. This only gets worse the more niche you go - Druids of dormice would probably have a more productive conversation with a brick wall than they would with druids of the west wind. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">A Few Weird Subtypes of Natural Druids</h3><div><br /></div><div><div>Wild Druids, also known as primal druids, are the ones described in the article that inspired this whole thing. They are deeply passionate, deeply violent, and by the standards of society, deeply mad.</div><div>Blood Druids are sometimes mistaken for them, but they're not the same. Blood druids have no such ideas about "Destroying Symbolic Thought", or any common ideas at all. Blood Druid is a general term for druids primarily concerned with violence. Not druids who concern themselves with the natural cycle as a whole, but specifically the part where they get to kill a lot of people. These include druids who worship blood as a concept, druids of predation, druids of invasive species, druids of the shrike, and those idiots who think that nature means "No Rules, Kill Everyone".</div><div>Possibly the most unique of the natural druids are druids of the city. Not the unnatural construction of the city, but the ecosystems and that exist within them. They've gained a reputation as some of the cleverest people in the world, and it's for a good reason. Managing to survive within an inhospitable environment, whether the attacks of their unfriendly brothers, and endure the constant threat of further development outright destroying what little nature you can find requires a quick hand and a quicker wit. </div><div>("You should stat them out as a class or subclass", someone probably says. Maybe I will eventually, but I'm much better at throwing out ideas than I am balancing things, sorry.)</div><div><br /></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">Druids kill other druids a lot</h3><div><br /></div><div>Arguments over definition can, predictably, lead to vicious druidic infighting. Out of all the holy wars on the face of the world, the druidic ones might be the worst. Have you ever seen the kind old hermit who lives in the woods have his brains bashed out by a half-naked stranger who speaks only in screams? What about that nice woman who cares for the pigeons being burnt alive by the fire that red-haired wanderer is shooting out of his hands? Ever watched wacky uncle order a flock of goshawks to rip out a man's liver?</div><div> Druids can always recognize other druids, and since no self-respecting druid would ever think to form a proper army, battles start the second one lock eyes on another, and ends when one of them is dead. It's always safer to stay away from anyone you think might be a druid, lest you get caught up in the crossfire.</div><div>Not every druid is at war with every other druid at all times, of course. Circles form truces, ally to deal with larger threats, and sometimes it's safer just to pretend you didn't notice your enemy was nearby. </div><div>It's a lot like the world of espionage, but with more murder, and also trees.</div><div><br /></div></div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: center;">Wrapping things up</h3><div><br /></div><div>I've listed a lot of types of druids here, some of which are very niche. These aren't examples of druids that actually exist, they're examples of druids who might exist. Everything I've said here is possible, but none of it is certain.</div><div><br /></div><div>I may have accidentally given the impression that druids are commonplace in this article. They aren't. It takes a very rare kind of person to be a druid. Druids don't have detailed notes like wizards, natural power like sorcerers, or even doctrines to follow the same way clerics do. The best they've got is a mentor who'll probably end up spending more time forcing them to figure out their own solutions than actually helping. There are no certification exams that declare you a druid, no easy way to measure power. You don't choose to be a druid, you are called to become one. Some sudden spark of insight that forces you to rethink your life, giving in to that nagging doubt that's always been needling at the back of your head, being confronted head-on with the true horror of environmental destruction - These are the kind of things that put people on the path to druidry. </div><div>There is only one thing that you can say without doubt about all druids, and it is that each and every druid is utterly and completely unique.</div>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-40481755428564643392020-08-31T13:48:00.004-07:002020-08-31T13:48:46.824-07:00Pseudo-Cosmology and the Atheist-Priests<p>No dinosaurs today, I'm afraid. That was my big opening bit, and while I'll be putting in just as much work to the rest as I did into that one, I doubt it'll end up as high quality. Whole situation is tragic, really. If only I wasn't an idiot.</p><p> Before I get into any real writing, I should pause a minute to talk a little about the cosmology of the world, or at least the lack of it. </p><p>I call it psuedo-cosmology, but in all honesty, it's just a regular cosmology, but I like the name. Psuedo-cosmology. It sounds interesting when you say it, a lot more interesting than when it's explained.</p><p>Because that all sounds dreadfully boring, I'll also talk a little about a small priesthood at the end, because to do anything else would probably lose me what few readers I have.</p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">The Cosmology, or Lack-Thereof</h3><p style="text-align: left;">Most of my writings take place on one world, because I've been running that world in various shapes for my D&D group for years. I enjoy worldbuilding, but I enjoy even more watching people actually interact with the world, discover things about it, and change the way its run. Besides the fact that I do my best to build things in a way that's slightly alien and non-traditional, the world has one other quirk that I should probably disclose at the beginning.</p><p style="text-align: left;">One thing that's always frustrated me about roleplaying games is how the great spiritual mysteries are always spelled out for you. Where do we go when we die? We go to the Seven Heavens, or possibly the Nine Hells, and I can confirm this for absolute fact because I've been to both myself. How was the world made? The overgod did it, and I can confirm this for absolute fact because I've talked to them. How and why did life begin? The gods made it, and yet again, I can confirm this for absolute fact because I've talked to them.</p><p style="text-align: left;">This fucking sucks. It's boring. It stifles your ability to make interesting cultures. It stops you from making interesting characters. I once played a barbarian who believed that mortal spirits were imprisoned on the world in a cycle of reincarnation, until they eventually proved themselves virtuous enough to ascend to a higher plane of being, and that it was thus the most moral thing to do to kill a sinner now and give them another chance at redemption, instead of letting them waste their time in this life. That character was fun, and had unique interactions with the world and the party, and he's probably my second favorite character of all time. I keep bringing him back whenever I need an idea on short notice. </p><p style="text-align: left;">The entire time I've played that character, I've always been bothered by the fact that as a player, I know for a fact that he's wrong. His entire worldview is bullshit, and whenever there's any sort of theological discussion, everyone else can just ignore anything he might believe because their gods speak to them one-on-one. </p><p style="text-align: left;">So, I've decided to do away with cosmology. No one knows where you go when you die. No one knows how life started. No one knows any of that shit. A lot of people have a lot of very firmly held beliefs about it, and it's quite obvious that the clerics are getting power from <i>somewhere,</i> but on one could conclusively tell you where that is.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Combine this with the idea of <a href="http://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2016/01/foreign-angels.html" target="_blank">foreign angels</a>. For that matter, you can insert foreign devils, and foreign demons, and foreign functions-like-angels. For an example of that, look at the <a href="https://idiotsnote.blogspot.com/2020/08/the-dinosaurs-and-their-god-aka.html">dinosaurs</a> that headline this blog. Everything becomes so much more wonderfully confusing. The beliefs of every religion are true, but maybe not as true as they think. There are definitely dwarf-gods out there, and dwarf-demons, but are those gods really the gods who forged reality itself? Are the angels really even angels, or are they just a different, more beautiful kind of demon whose purpose is to convert people to the worship of the wicked dwarf-gods instead of the true rulers of creation, elf-gods? Where do we go when we die? Who made the universe? Why and how did life come into existence? Plenty of people will say they know these things, but you can't be certain. They could be wrong. They could be lying. It's<b> wonderful.</b></p><p style="text-align: left;"><b><br /></b></p><p style="text-align: left;">Almost every religion in the world tells you that their gods are the true rulers of everything, and that all the other gods are simply demonic deceivers. This is by far the most common view, but it's not the only one. One of the more interesting groups who break with this view are the infamous atheist-priests</p><p style="text-align: left;">Atheist-priests aren't actually atheists. They're called atheist-priests because although they always wear the clothing and bear the mannerisms of priests, there aren't any recordings of them actually doing any of the important things priests do, like offering spiritual wisdom, giving sermons, or preforming sacraments. </p><p style="text-align: left;">This is because of the god the atheist-priests worship. This god has no name, as this god refuses to be named. The atheist-priests call this deity "The Great Abstainer".</p><p style="text-align: left;">Atheist-priests are all very devout believers who go out of their way to practice their faith at all times. They hate it when people call them atheist-priests, and they would love to go yell at you about how you're an idiot and they're not anything close to atheists, but they know to do so would violate the sacred doctrines. But they really want to. Sometimes they decide that maybe they can just sin a little bit today, and then they'll berate you and whack you with the walking sticks they carry everywhere, because you are an idiot and probably deserve it for all the lack of abstaining you do, you filthy sinner. </p><p style="text-align: left;">Great atheist-priests are known to abstain from food or drink, and their starvation is venerated. Even greater atheist-priests abstain from food, drink, and death itself. They are venerated from abstaining even from the inevitable cessation of life. The priests believe that the more things they abstain from, the closer they come to their god. The end-goal is to abstain from all things, and ascend to become one with the Great Abstainer.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Side note - The Great Abstainer abstains from using pronouns. Refer to the Great Abstanier only as the Great Abstainer, or the atheist-priests will judge your sin harsh enough that they cease abstaining to beat you with their wooden walking sticks and yell at you.</p><p style="text-align: left;">This is the most common action taken by the atheist-priests. People annoy them enough, through disrespect or grievous sin, that they cease abstaining long enough to beat you with their wooden walking sticks and yell at you. They often travel in packs, and their wrath is simultaneously hilarious to witness and mildly horrifying to receive.</p><p style="text-align: left;">The atheist-priests are begrudgingly tolerated almost everywhere in the world. They don't do much harm, nor do they attempt to convert the populace to their wicked ways, and it is really hard to scare them away from going somewhere. You can outlaw everything about them, and they will just abstain from acknowledging those laws or being afraid of the punishment. </p><p style="text-align: left;">They aren't common, but you'll probably meet at least one in your life. It's gotten to the point that some people say that atheist-priests emerge fully-formed from rocks, because there's no way a group this niche could have so many members. Most rational people reject this idea, because it is ridiculous, but so are a lot of other things. Still, it's probably false.</p><p style="text-align: left;">But enough with the digression. I initially mentioned them because of their unique view on the world's cosmology, and so I'll get back to that.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Their view is not so dissimilar from what you might think, as a reader. The Great Abstainer is the highest and greatest god, of course, but the Great Abstainer is not the ruler of reality. After all, the Great Abstainer abstains from all rulership. In his stead, the other gods have come forth. In the eyes of an atheist-priest, reality is governed by hordes of squabbling children with unfathomable power. It's quite similar to the material world, which is ruled by similar but different and weaker squabbling children with unfathomable power. </p><p style="text-align: left;">Is it much surprise they take pleasure in beating idiots with a stick every now and again?</p>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-89937871672947376792020-08-24T17:17:00.007-07:002020-08-24T17:17:59.579-07:00The Dinosaurs and Their God (AKA "Dinosaurs Attack Heaven")<p> Largely inspired by (read - stolen from) <a href="http://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/10/dinosaur-clerics-new-class.html">this wonderful article</a> by Goblin Punch.</p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Pre-Exposition Exposition</h3><div>So.</div><p>The dinosaurs.</p><p>Most of the bits you know are still the same. Prehistoric animals, massive and scaly, wiped out in a mass extinction, their bones still litter the countryside, all that good stuff. You can fill in the blanks I don't cover, you know what a bloody dinosaur is, which means that I can skip right on to the actually interesting bits, the stuff you don't already know.</p><p><br /></p><p>Animals have their own form of worship, and their own gods. These gods are often not the anthropomorphic figures we find familiar, nor is the animal's worship composed of rhythmic chants and holy sacraments. Most animals wouldn't be smart enough to come up with that kind of stuff, anyway. </p><p>No, the worship of animals manifest in their actions. When a rabbit freezes in fear from an onrushing threat, it is sending up a fragment of an almost-prayer to its little rabbit god. When a wolf seizes that rabbit in its jaws and tears it apart, that wolf is offering up an almost-prayer to its lupine god. So it is that gods can emerge, even when there are no intelligent beings around to build them temples and sing their praises, and so it was with the dinosaurs. The dinosaurs had their own gods, and very many of them.</p><p>Beast-gods don't tend to amount to much of anything. They are more intelligent than beasts, but far from masterminds. For the most part, they simply exist in the background, unknown to almost all intelligent creature. <br /></p><p>And so it was for the vast majority of dinosaur-gods. They were content to do nothing much in particular, and soak up the almost-prayer they were provided. The problems arose when one god in particular started wanting more.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">The Ancient Times</h3><p>Tyrus Ferox began existence as an ordinary beast-god, but they would not remain so. Through some unknown means, a higher level of intelligence was awoken within them, and alongside that intelligence came a lust for power. Ferox began a divine campaign against the other beast-gods, killing them and absorbing any forms of almost-worship they possessed into himself. The other beast-gods were not prepared for this. They were used to the violence that comes when a predator preys upon weaker beings, but this was something entirely different. For Ferox, this was not a battle for survival or reproduction, but a war.</p><p>This would be what most people of our world might call the end-Triassic extinction.</p><p>And so it came about that Tyrus Ferox became sole lord over the dinosaurs. It took time for the world to return to as it was before the war, but time has always been a resource Ferox possessed in abundance. The world would be rebuilt, greater than it was before, and united under one god's rule. </p><p>This should have been enough for Ferox, but it wasn't. They leaned down upon the world and bestowed a few of his chosen with intelligence to match his own, and in his name they constructed an empire. This, too, should have been enough for Ferox, but it wasn't. Ferox went beyond the bounds of dinosaurs, enslaving all living things upon the world to the will of his and his children. Nothing, not land, nor skies, nor sea was free from his control. </p><p>There were pockets of resistance, of course. Deep ocean trenches that the land-dwelling dinosaurs could not enter. Great mountains, confident that they would outlast any empire, who refused to bow. Small pockets of non-saurian animals, guarded by <a href="http://falsemachine.blogspot.com/2013/01/trilobite-knight.html">mysterious protectors.</a> But Ferox knew these would fall, in time. It did not satisfy them.</p><p>Ferox was, by any standard of measurement, a god, but they were not the god. They had not ordered the world, and they did not know who placed the sun in the sky, or separated land from sea, or first gave rise to life itself. (In truth, these questions still vex learned men to this day. No one is quite sure, though there are myriad religions who would be absolutely delighted to inform you.) </p><p>Not knowing these things had never bothered them, but now they had nothing better to do but consider these questions. They began to eat at Ferox, and the great beast slowly came to a realization, and then became filled with a great conviction.</p><p>They would find these creators, wherever they hid, and they would conquer them. Then and only then, thought Ferox, could they truly be content.</p><p>Another era went by, and the dominion of Ferox grew grander still. It was at the very height of this civilization that the master plan of Tyrus Ferox went into effect.</p><p>The creators, Ferox thought, must have been hiding in the Heavens, and so to find them, Ferox must assault the Heavens. So began a great construction, and a great genocide. The empire built machines of ancient wood, of enchanted alloys, and most horribly of all, out of the flesh and bone of their pterosaur slaves. To this day, the few surviving pterosaurs have not let their rage die out. If you value your life, never call one of them a dinosaur.</p><p>The invasion commenced on the anniversary of the day Ferox slew the last of his rival dinosaur-gods. It must have been a horrible sight, armies of dinosaurs ascending towards the sky, perched atop machines of wood and bone and flesh. Ferox stood at their very head, incarnate in a physical form, their smile made all the more horrible by their blood-stained teeth.</p><p>It is said that it rained fire and blood for a full year, and that by the time it was over, the sun was obscured by ash, and the earthly empire of Tyrus Ferox was no more. Some creatures survived, through luck or miracle, but the dinosaurs had been rendered utterly extinct.</p><p>But this was not the end of Tyrus Ferox, far from it. No one knows what occurred within the Heavens, but it is clear that Ferox survived, alongside the remnants of his army. They returned, but not to the world they had left. Instead, they found a scarred and blasted landscape, filled with the corpses of their kin. But this was not the end of their suffering, for it was at this moment that Ferox realized an even more terrible truth - They and their army had returned not to the present, but to the past. As his worshipers and their civilization had become artifacts of a bygone era, so had Ferox himself fallen a few steps behind the present. </p><p>And so, that is the fate of Tyrus Ferox and his armies. They are condemned to roam the past, forever chasing after the present, but never arriving. Ferox would like nothing more than to destroy the usurpers who have sprung up in his place, but as long as he remains locked behind the world, he cannot harm even the weakest of beings.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">The Modern Day</h3><p>It would be all well and good if everything ended there, with Ferox and his legion forever safely out of reach, but there are those who might see his return. Dinosaur-Clerics seek to see the return of Ferox, and while they are mostly composed of the more reptilian races, some mammals are still among their ranks. These dinosaur-cults mostly exist hidden in the wilderness, because almost all more mainstream religions hate them, and will kill them on sight. This is partially by the dinosaur-cults habit of preforming ritual humanoid sacrifices by suffocating their victims within artificial tar pits.</p><p>While Ferox cannot directly interfere with the present, they can still grant spells as any normal god might.</p><p>Imprisonment has changed Ferox, or at the very least changed how they are worship. The old Tyrus Ferox is worshiped under the name "Tyrus Ferox, Wild Lord of Ages Past", but several new aspects have also emerged. When worshiped as "Tyrus Ferox, Ageless Lord of the Eternal Tar-Pits", more emphasis is placed on their imprisonment, and the physical remains of dinosaurs that exist today. As "Tyrus Ferox, Paradox Lord of the Infinite Boneyard", more credit is given to their control over time. Finally, the newly emerged avian heresy worships "Tyrus Ferox, Feathered Lord of Endless Grace". They are both the biggest departure from the original, and the most socially accepted, due to having (publicly) toned down or eliminated many of the faith's less socially acceptable practices. They are also notable for claiming that it is not reptiles, but avians which are the true successors to Ferox, and that the dinosaurs had not scales, but feathers.</p><p>Worshipers of the Wild Lord call upon dinosaurs to assist them in the same way other religions call upon angels or fiends, and worshipers of the Feathered Lord do the same, with a different coat of paint. Faithful of the Paradox Lord instead summon up <a href="http://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2012/11/imaginary-dinosaur.html">psuedo-imaginary dinosaurs</a>, species which might have existed, had past events run a different course. On some rare occasions, they even manage to summon up dinosaurs which are fully corporeal, but have still never existed. Ageless Lord devotees tend to favor servants who are still fossilized, and have a penchant for creating tar-zombies.</p><p>These sects hate each other, and each insists that the others are nothing but heretical nonsense.</p><p>Even within the sects, goals differ from group to group. Many are content to just get by while worshiping their god. Some have half-formed plans to form their own armies and conquer the world to bring about another epoch of dinosaurs. Some plot in secret to break the barrier separating Ferox from the rest of the world, bring them once more into the present, where legions of dinosaurs shall remake the world in their image.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">How do I use this?</h3><div>Ferox and his dinosaur hordes might make an interesting alternative to the traditional "BBEG wants to unseal an Ancient Evil/Open a portal to the Abyss" story. Demons and Lovecraftian horrors have been done to death, but have you ever seen the world threatened by unending hordes of dinosaurs? </div><div>Dinosaur-tech can make for interesting loot. I don't have any hard aesthetic guidelines to give you, but think something like weapons and armor built out of multicolored rocks, petrified wood, and the fossilized bones of ancient creatures. Plus, any magic that isn't designed to be used by humanoids can make for interesting moments.</div><div>Ferox seems pretty evil in this post, and they are often warlike and angry, but they aren't entirely evil. Sure, they do want to destroy or enslave the modern-day world in order to usher in a new era of dinosaur-kind, but if you left your house for a work trip only to return and find it infested with vermin, I expect you'd have quite the same reaction. And sure, they might be a god of war and violence, but they preside over the gentle contemplation of herbivores just as much they do the carnivore's pursuit of prey, just as much the love a mother has for her eggs as the vicious cunning a raptor uses to down a larger animal. How evil even is predation, anyway? It's not as if the modern world is filled with vegetarians. You might use Ferox as a god worshiped by a PC, if they wanted something unusual.</div>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8009871634981503772.post-66179362249128995642020-08-23T21:37:00.001-07:002020-08-23T21:37:35.901-07:00Welcome!<p> Welcome to the Idiot's Notepad, so named because I, an idiot, am writing it. I'm a terrible writer and a worse wordbuilder, but even a shoddy imitation of Goblin Punch and False Machine is better than no imitation at all.</p><p><br /></p><p>And that is the basic premise of this blog. I'm doing my best to take after the people who've inspired me, and this blog exists half to share what I write with the world, and half because I genuinely do find this the best way to put together my thoughts.</p><p>Now, go forth, and enjoy my idiocy!</p>Tarrasque in Fire Formhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14353015931838517268noreply@blogger.com1