Pseudo-Cosmology and the Atheist-Priests

No dinosaurs today, I'm afraid. That was my big opening bit, and while I'll be putting in just as much work to the rest as I did into that one, I doubt it'll end up as high quality. Whole situation is tragic, really. If only I wasn't an idiot.

 Before I get into any real writing, I should pause a minute to talk a little about the cosmology of the world, or at least the lack of it. 

I call it psuedo-cosmology, but in all honesty, it's just a regular cosmology, but I like the name. Psuedo-cosmology. It sounds interesting when you say it, a lot more interesting than when it's explained.

Because that all sounds dreadfully boring, I'll also talk a little about a small priesthood at the end, because to do anything else would probably lose me what few readers I have.

The Cosmology, or Lack-Thereof

Most of my writings take place on one world, because I've been running that world in various shapes for my D&D group for years. I enjoy worldbuilding, but I enjoy even more watching people actually interact with the world, discover things about it, and change the way its run. Besides the fact that I do my best to build things in a way that's slightly alien and non-traditional, the world has one other quirk that I should probably disclose at the beginning.

One thing that's always frustrated me about roleplaying games is how the great spiritual mysteries are always spelled out for you. Where do we go when we die? We go to the Seven Heavens, or possibly the Nine Hells, and I can confirm this for absolute fact because I've been to both myself. How was the world made? The overgod did it, and I can confirm this for absolute fact because I've talked to them. How and why did life begin? The gods made it, and yet again, I can confirm this for absolute fact because I've talked to them.

This fucking sucks. It's boring. It stifles your ability to make interesting cultures. It stops you from making interesting characters. I once played a barbarian who believed that mortal spirits were imprisoned on the world in a cycle of reincarnation, until they eventually proved themselves virtuous enough to ascend to a higher plane of being, and that it was thus the most moral thing to do to kill a sinner now and give them another chance at redemption, instead of letting them waste their time in this life. That character was fun, and had unique interactions with the world and the party, and he's probably my second favorite character of all time. I keep bringing him back whenever I need an idea on short notice. 

The entire time I've played that character, I've always been bothered by the fact that as a player, I know for a fact that he's wrong. His entire worldview is bullshit, and whenever there's any sort of theological discussion, everyone else can just ignore anything he might believe because their gods speak to them one-on-one. 

So, I've decided to do away with cosmology. No one knows where you go when you die. No one knows how life started. No one knows any of that shit. A lot of people have a lot of very firmly held beliefs about it, and it's quite obvious that the clerics are getting power from somewhere, but on one could conclusively tell you where that is.

Combine this with the idea of foreign angels. For that matter, you can insert foreign devils, and foreign demons, and foreign functions-like-angels. For an example of that, look at the dinosaurs that headline this blog. Everything becomes so much more wonderfully confusing. The beliefs of every religion are true, but maybe not as true as they think. There are definitely dwarf-gods out there, and dwarf-demons, but are those gods really the gods who forged reality itself? Are the angels really even angels, or are they just a different, more beautiful kind of demon whose purpose is to convert people to the worship of the wicked dwarf-gods instead of the true rulers of creation, elf-gods? Where do we go when we die? Who made the universe? Why and how did life come into existence? Plenty of people will say they know these things, but you can't be certain. They could be wrong. They could be lying. It's wonderful.

Almost every religion in the world tells you that their gods are the true rulers of everything, and that all the other gods are simply demonic deceivers. This is by far the most common view,  but it's not the only one. One of the more interesting groups who break with this view are the infamous atheist-priests

Atheist-priests aren't actually atheists. They're called atheist-priests because although they always wear the clothing and bear the mannerisms of priests, there aren't any recordings of them actually doing any of the important things priests do, like offering spiritual wisdom, giving sermons, or preforming sacraments. 

This is because of the god the atheist-priests worship. This god has no name, as this god refuses to be named. The atheist-priests call this deity "The Great Abstainer".

Atheist-priests are all very devout believers who go out of their way to practice their faith at all times. They hate it when people call them atheist-priests, and they would love to go yell at you about how you're an idiot and they're not anything close to atheists, but they know to do so would violate the sacred doctrines. But they really want to. Sometimes they decide that maybe they can just sin a little bit today, and then they'll berate you and whack you with the walking sticks they carry everywhere, because you are an idiot and probably deserve it for all the lack of abstaining you do, you filthy sinner. 

Great atheist-priests are known to abstain from food or drink, and their starvation is venerated. Even greater atheist-priests abstain from food, drink, and death itself. They are venerated from abstaining even from the inevitable cessation of life. The priests believe that the more things they abstain from, the closer they come to their god. The end-goal is to abstain from all things, and ascend to become one with the Great Abstainer.

Side note - The Great Abstainer abstains from using pronouns. Refer to the Great Abstanier only as the Great Abstainer, or the atheist-priests will judge your sin harsh enough that they cease abstaining to beat you with their wooden walking sticks and yell at you.

This is the most common action taken by the atheist-priests. People annoy them enough, through disrespect or grievous sin, that they cease abstaining long enough to beat you with their wooden walking sticks and yell at you. They often travel in packs, and their wrath is simultaneously hilarious to witness and mildly horrifying to receive.

The atheist-priests are begrudgingly tolerated almost everywhere in the world. They don't do much harm, nor do they attempt to convert the populace to their wicked ways, and it is really hard to scare them away from going somewhere. You can outlaw everything about them, and they will just abstain from acknowledging those laws or being afraid of the punishment. 

They aren't common, but you'll probably meet at least one in your life. It's gotten to the point that some people say that atheist-priests emerge fully-formed from rocks, because there's no way a group this niche could have so many members. Most rational people reject this idea, because it is ridiculous, but so are a lot of other things. Still, it's probably false.

But enough with the digression. I initially mentioned them because of their unique view on the world's cosmology, and so I'll get back to that.

Their view is not so dissimilar from what you might think, as a reader. The Great Abstainer is the highest and greatest god, of course, but the Great Abstainer is not the ruler of reality. After all, the Great Abstainer abstains from all rulership. In his stead, the other gods have come forth. In the eyes of an atheist-priest, reality is governed by hordes of squabbling children with unfathomable power. It's quite similar to the material world, which is ruled by similar but different and weaker squabbling children with unfathomable power. 

Is it much surprise they take pleasure in beating idiots with a stick every now and again?

The Dinosaurs and Their God (AKA "Dinosaurs Attack Heaven")

 Largely inspired by (read - stolen from) this wonderful article by Goblin Punch.

Pre-Exposition Exposition

So.

The dinosaurs.

Most of the bits you know are still the same. Prehistoric animals, massive and scaly, wiped out in a mass extinction, their bones still litter the countryside, all that good stuff. You can fill in the blanks I don't cover, you know what a bloody dinosaur is, which means that I can skip right on to the actually interesting bits, the stuff you don't already know.

Animals have their own form of worship, and their own gods. These gods are often not the anthropomorphic figures we find familiar, nor is the animal's worship composed of rhythmic chants and holy sacraments. Most animals wouldn't be smart enough to come up with that kind of stuff, anyway. 

No, the worship of animals manifest in their actions. When a rabbit freezes in fear from an onrushing threat, it is sending up a fragment of an almost-prayer to its little rabbit god. When a wolf seizes that rabbit in its jaws and tears it apart, that wolf is offering up an almost-prayer to its lupine god. So it is that gods can emerge, even when there are no intelligent beings around to build them temples and sing their praises, and so it was with the dinosaurs. The dinosaurs had their own gods, and very many of them.

Beast-gods don't tend to amount to much of anything. They are more intelligent than beasts, but far from masterminds. For the most part, they simply exist in the background, unknown to almost all intelligent creature. 

And so it was for the vast majority of dinosaur-gods. They were content to do nothing much in particular, and soak up the almost-prayer they were provided. The problems arose when one god in particular started wanting more.

The Ancient Times

Tyrus Ferox began existence as an ordinary beast-god, but they would not remain so. Through some unknown means, a higher level of intelligence was awoken within them, and alongside that intelligence came a lust for power. Ferox began a divine campaign against the other beast-gods, killing them and absorbing any forms of almost-worship they possessed into himself. The other beast-gods were not prepared for this. They were used to the violence that comes when a predator preys upon weaker beings, but this was something entirely different. For Ferox, this was not a battle for survival or reproduction, but a war.

This would be what most people of our world might call the end-Triassic extinction.

And so it came about that Tyrus Ferox became sole lord over the dinosaurs. It took time for the world to return to as it was before the war, but time has always been a resource Ferox possessed in abundance. The world would be rebuilt, greater than it was before, and united under one god's rule. 

This should have been enough for Ferox, but it wasn't. They leaned down upon the world and bestowed a few of his chosen with intelligence to match his own, and in his name they constructed an empire. This, too, should have been enough for Ferox, but it wasn't. Ferox went beyond the bounds of dinosaurs, enslaving all living things upon the world to the will of his and his children. Nothing, not land, nor skies, nor sea was free from his control. 

There were pockets of resistance, of course. Deep ocean trenches that the land-dwelling dinosaurs could not enter. Great mountains, confident that they would outlast any empire, who refused to bow. Small pockets of non-saurian animals, guarded by mysterious protectors. But Ferox knew these would fall, in time. It did not satisfy them.

Ferox was, by any standard of measurement, a god, but they were not the god. They had not ordered the world, and they did not know who placed the sun in the sky, or separated land from sea, or first gave rise to life itself. (In truth, these questions still vex learned men to this day. No one is quite sure, though there are myriad religions who would be absolutely delighted to inform you.) 

Not knowing these things had never bothered them, but now they had nothing better to do but consider these questions. They began to eat at Ferox, and the great beast slowly came to a realization, and then became filled with a great conviction.

They would find these creators, wherever they hid, and they would conquer them. Then and only then, thought Ferox, could they truly be content.

Another era went by, and the dominion of Ferox grew grander still. It was at the very height of this civilization that the master plan of Tyrus Ferox went into effect.

The creators, Ferox thought, must have been hiding in the Heavens, and so to find them, Ferox must assault the Heavens. So began a great construction, and a great genocide. The empire built machines of ancient wood, of enchanted alloys, and most horribly of all, out of the flesh and bone of their pterosaur slaves. To this day, the few surviving pterosaurs have not let their rage die out. If you value your life, never call one of them a dinosaur.

The invasion commenced on the anniversary of the day Ferox slew the last of his rival dinosaur-gods. It must have been a horrible sight, armies of dinosaurs ascending towards the sky, perched atop machines of wood and bone and flesh. Ferox stood at their very head, incarnate in a physical form, their smile made all the more horrible by their blood-stained teeth.

It is said that it rained fire and blood for a full year, and that by the time it was over, the sun was obscured by ash, and the earthly empire of Tyrus Ferox was no more. Some creatures survived, through luck or miracle, but the dinosaurs had been rendered utterly extinct.

But this was not the end of Tyrus Ferox, far from it. No one knows what occurred within the Heavens, but it is clear that Ferox survived, alongside the remnants of his army. They returned, but not to the world they had left. Instead, they found a scarred and blasted landscape, filled with the corpses of their kin. But this was not the end of their suffering, for it was at this moment that Ferox realized an even more terrible truth - They and their army had returned not to the present, but to the past. As his worshipers and their civilization had become artifacts of a bygone era, so had Ferox himself fallen a few steps behind the present. 

And so, that is the fate of Tyrus Ferox and his armies. They are condemned to roam the past, forever chasing after the present, but never arriving. Ferox would like nothing more than to destroy the usurpers who have sprung up in his place, but as long as he remains locked behind the world, he cannot harm even the weakest of beings.

The Modern Day

It would be all well and good if everything ended there, with Ferox and his legion forever safely out of reach, but there are those who might see his return. Dinosaur-Clerics seek to see the return of Ferox, and while they are mostly composed of the more reptilian races, some mammals are still among their ranks. These dinosaur-cults mostly exist hidden in the wilderness, because almost all more mainstream religions hate them, and will kill them on sight. This is partially by the dinosaur-cults habit of preforming ritual humanoid sacrifices by suffocating their victims within artificial tar pits.

While Ferox cannot directly interfere with the present, they can still grant spells as any normal god might.

Imprisonment has changed Ferox, or at the very least changed how they are worship. The old Tyrus Ferox is worshiped under the name "Tyrus Ferox, Wild Lord of Ages Past", but several new aspects have also emerged. When worshiped as "Tyrus Ferox, Ageless Lord of the Eternal Tar-Pits", more emphasis is placed on their imprisonment, and the physical remains of dinosaurs that exist today. As "Tyrus Ferox, Paradox Lord of the Infinite Boneyard",  more credit is given to their control over time. Finally, the newly emerged avian heresy worships "Tyrus Ferox, Feathered Lord of Endless Grace". They are both the biggest departure from the original, and the most socially accepted, due to having (publicly) toned down or eliminated many of the faith's less socially acceptable practices. They are also notable for claiming that it is not reptiles, but avians which are the true successors to Ferox, and that the dinosaurs had not scales, but feathers.

Worshipers of the Wild Lord call upon dinosaurs to assist them in the same way other religions call upon angels or fiends, and worshipers of the Feathered Lord do the same, with a different coat of paint. Faithful of the Paradox Lord instead summon up psuedo-imaginary dinosaurs, species which might have existed, had past events run a different course. On some rare occasions, they even manage to summon up dinosaurs which are fully corporeal, but have still never existed. Ageless Lord devotees tend to favor servants who are still fossilized, and have a penchant for creating tar-zombies.

These sects hate each other, and each insists that the others are nothing but heretical nonsense.

Even within the sects, goals differ from group to group. Many are content to just get by while worshiping their god. Some have half-formed plans to form their own armies and conquer the world to bring about another epoch of dinosaurs. Some plot in secret to break the barrier separating Ferox from the rest of the world, bring them once more into the present, where legions of dinosaurs shall remake the world in their image.

How do I use this?

Ferox and his dinosaur hordes might make an interesting alternative to the traditional "BBEG wants to unseal an Ancient Evil/Open a portal to the Abyss" story. Demons and Lovecraftian horrors have been done to death, but have you ever seen the world threatened by unending hordes of dinosaurs? 

Dinosaur-tech can make for interesting loot. I don't have any hard aesthetic guidelines to give you, but think something like weapons and armor built out of multicolored rocks, petrified wood, and the fossilized bones of ancient creatures. Plus, any magic that isn't designed to be used by humanoids can make for interesting moments.

Ferox seems pretty evil in this post, and they are often warlike and angry, but they aren't entirely evil. Sure, they do want to destroy or enslave the modern-day world in order to usher in a new era of dinosaur-kind, but if you left your house for a work trip only to return and find it infested with vermin, I expect you'd have quite the same reaction. And sure, they might be a god of war and violence, but they preside over the gentle contemplation of herbivores just as much they do the carnivore's pursuit of prey, just as much the love a mother has for her eggs as the vicious cunning a raptor uses to down a larger animal. How evil even is predation, anyway? It's not as if the modern world is filled with vegetarians. You might use Ferox as a god worshiped by a PC, if they wanted something unusual.

Welcome!

 Welcome to the Idiot's Notepad, so named because I, an idiot, am writing it. I'm a terrible writer and a worse wordbuilder, but even a shoddy imitation of Goblin Punch and False Machine is better than no imitation at all.

And that is the basic premise of this blog. I'm doing my best to take after the people who've inspired me, and this blog exists half to share what I write with the world, and half because I genuinely do find this the best way to put together my thoughts.

Now, go forth, and enjoy my idiocy!